


Destination: Perth

by onlythevoid



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Adelaide - Freeform, Ashton is 18, Australia, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Lashton - Freeform, Luke is 16, Luke's point of view, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, No Underage Sex, Panic Attacks, Perth, Pining, Self-Discovery, Sharing a Bed, Strangers to Lovers, Trains, Trans-Australia, brisbane, canadian spellings, contemplation of mortality, its really sweet I swear, just added an epilogue!, luke has a sad past sorry, never been to perth though maybe its shite who knows, ok underage sex is kind of implied in the last part, only a bit tbh, romanticizes Perth a hell of a lot, takes place on a train that doesn't exist oops, thats love babey, the age difference isn't super relevant though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlythevoid/pseuds/onlythevoid
Summary: The stranger swung into the seat next to him and sighed contentedly. Luke stole a glance from under his hat. It was a boy with light-brown messy hair, reminiscent of surfers Luke saw on the beach in Brisbane - he had a t-shirt on and black jeans, and fade-tint round-frame sunglasses propped on his straight nose.The stranger caught Luke’s eyes.“Hey?” The stranger asked. Shouldn’t have looked at him, Luke thought. Too late.The stranger had set his sunglasses on his head and was peering below Luke’s cap. “Dude. You look terrible. Are you okay?”Oh, so the stranger was one of those guys. Too friendly and ever-inquisitive. Yes, Luke looked like shit; he’d been crying for an hour at a time, every few hours, and all he’d had to eat in the past two days was some wet broccoli at the hospital and a bag of chips he’d bought that morning in Brisbane, and there were bruises all up and down his right arm from a car crash he wished he’d died in.Luke didn’t say any of that. He prayed his voice would be steady and said, “Yes. Thanks.”The messy-haired boy did not seem convinced. After a pause, he offered, “My name’s Ashton, by the way.”
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work has no relation, significance, or connections whatsoever to the real world. This is purely a work of fiction and creative inspiration based around the personalities of real people. Characters in this work of fiction can be thought of as completely removed and independent of the people their names represent.
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy this! It took me just over three weeks to write and edit, and it's my first fanfiction I've posted on this website.
> 
> The first thirteen sections are in chapter 1. The next thirteen are in chapter 2.

ONE

Kippa-ring station, Brisbane.

Luke was on his own. He didn’t know when the next train was coming, or what time of night it was. A few other people were on the platform; most of them were completely oblivious to his presence, but a few squinted eyes were being cast his way. He tried to picture how he’d look to them: a frail sixteen-year-old boy with a backpack and a cap low over his eyes, flattening his dirty blond hair. He kept his gaze away and instead focused on the train tracks.

Despite the warmth of the summer night, Luke shivered. His nose was stuffy and his eyes were sore. He curled his hands against his too-big blue jeans and hunched his shoulders.

“Hey, darlin’? You all right, dear?”

A kind-faced woman got Luke’s attention by patting his shoulder. He nodded quickly and tried for a smile that turned out more like a grimace. At least she hadn’t tried his other shoulder.

She raised her heavy brows in a silent question that she was waiting for him to answer. She was taller than him, but not by much, and had dark brown hair framing a tanned but aging face. Luke was relieved at her lack of resemblance to his mother.

“Yeah,” Luke forced out, willing his voice not to crack. “I’m all right.”

“Where you headed? You got someone waitin’ for you?” She was obviously concerned, and Luke felt a surge of appreciation that was instantly clouded with fear. No. There’s nobody waiting for me.

“Uh, yeah. I’m just heading home.”

He hoped she didn’t notice his puffy eyes. He drew his hands into his sleeves and plastered a reassuring grimace onto his face.

“All right, dear. Have a good night.”

She finally left, walking over to sit on one of the vacant benches. Luke thanked god for her not questioning him further. He didn’t think he’d be able to keep it together.

He raised his hands to his face and examined them in the dim streetlights. There was still a bit of blood under the nails. He tried to stop himself from scraping it away because he knew he’d take skin with it. His hands were shaking, nonetheless. 

The sounds and smells of the night were distracting, and Luke found himself breathing in hungrily. It was so real. It was all so much realer than the antiseptic and bitter smells inside the hospital. 

The screeching of brakes startled Luke, and he felt his heart jackhammer before reassuring himself, if somewhat tiredly, that this was his train. He’d seen a few pass over the last half hour, and never got used to the glaring headlights barreling down the tracks towards him. It reminded him too much of screams and bones breaking.

Luke boarded the train. He was a robot and his body was on autopilot, and when he got to his seat he had to fight for consciousness. All he had to do was get on the Trans-Australia, and from there he’d be fine. He squinted down at his phone and set a timer to wake up on. He hoped it would work. Putting his bag between his legs, he rested his head on it and stared out the window into the dark city.

He tried to forget about his family in the hospital. He tried to forget about the bruises lining his right arm and ribcage, a reminder of the car crash. He tried to forget about his week in the hospital, curled on little plastic chairs beside beds in the emergency care wing, the coma wing, and the wing where they put the dying. _Take me far away from here_.

* * *

Luke awoke to the shrill buzz of his alarm. He hastily quieted it, not wanting to draw attention, and lifted the edge of a curtain to peer outside.

It was just past daybreak, and while his eyes adjusted, he caught glimpses of downtown Brisbane. A few hours had passed since he’d boarded the first train late last night. Or maybe early this morning. 

Roma station came into view, and Luke felt a grim surge of finality. If he got on this train, he wasn’t coming back. He was going straight to the west coast and he’d figure it out once he got there. He couldn’t stop doubts from creeping into his mind, however - he could just get on a train heading back to Redcliffe, or he could take one to Sydney, or he could… 

The brakes screeched again and Luke prepared to disembark. He was going to the west coast. He checked that everything in his bag was secure and pulled his hat down to brave the morning sun.

“All passengers heading to Brisbane Airport. There has been a ten minute delay.”

“Redbank train arrival in seven minutes. Passengers start boarding Redbank in seven minutes.”

Luke was swallowed up by the crowd. He struggled blindly onward, hoping for a convenience store or a map. He found both near an information desk staffed by harried-looking employees who were probably just coming off a night shift.

There was a stack of bills in his pocket, and Luke flicked out a ten to exchange for a bag of chips and a water bottle. He was reluctant to spend any of it, because he was sure to need it in the future, but he hadn’t prepared well enough to not buy food. He had about a thousand dollars saved from a year or so of teaching guitar lessons. The only other items of any wealth that he owned were his new shoes and a necklace that used to be his mother’s. The clothes on his back and the change pair in his backpack were worth next to nothing.

Luke heard the metallic voice over the intercom say, “Six-fifteen Trans-Australia boarding in three minutes.” He slid a map free from a tourist board and followed the directions to the platform.

This was it for Brisbane, Luke told himself. This is it. There was nothing left for him here, and he knew it. He thought about his family’s house on the coast, and about his family. He thought about his dog that died when he was twelve that he never really got over. He bit his lip until it hurt and thought about his oldest brother. About his dad. He’d never get over them either. He thought about his mom and hoped she would call if she ever woke up. 

Birds flitted high above the station, and Luke followed a small crowd towards the train. The map proved to be of no use, and he folded it up into his back pocket. 

He got on the train, found a window seat near the back of the car, and let tears fall down his face in silence.

It really was a lovely day, he thought hazily, as the sun rose higher. The buildings in Brisbane glimmered. The train picked up speed and eventually Luke pulled out his phone and listened to music to drown out his thoughts. The sun was hot on his hand, his throat was burning idly, like it had been for the last ten minutes, and the fabric of the seat was familiar against the back of his neck. 

  
  


TWO

A few stops later, Luke noticed the train was getting busier. He pulled his cap down and looked out the window, hoping nobody would occupy the empty seat next to him. He had enough on his mind without worrying about a stranger beside him. 

The curtains on the window had been pulled out of the way when he had boarded, and Luke almost wished someone would untie them so he could sleep again. It seemed to be his only escape from his hopeless future.

Luke’s playlist came to an end, and the dim chatter of train passengers infiltrated his ears. It was almost more relaxing this way, he thought. He watched houses and trees pass by out the window.

Despite Luke’s efforts, a stranger approached. Luke caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye and tried to blink some life into his face before having to communicate with them.

“Hey man, can I sit here?”

It was a teenager, probably Luke’s age or a bit older. The voice was male and tinged with optimism. Luke’s distaste grew.

He shuffled closer to the window. “Sure,” he grunted, noncommittal.

The stranger swung into the seat next to him and sighed contentedly. Luke stole a glance from under his hat. It was a boy with light-brown messy hair, reminiscent of surfers Luke saw on the beach in Brisbane - he had a t-shirt on and black jeans, and fade-tint round-frame sunglasses propped on his straight nose. Luke was just relieved the stranger wasn’t some creepy dude.

The stranger caught Luke’s eyes when he was about to look away, and his smile upon seeing Luke turned into a frown very quickly. Luke remembered what a wreck he looked like and stared out the window again.

“Hey?” The stranger asked. Shouldn’t have looked at him, Luke thought. Too late. 

He pulled his hat down even farther and said, “What?”

The stranger had set his sunglasses on his head and was peering below Luke’s cap. “Dude. You look terrible. Are you okay?”

Oh, so the stranger was one of those guys. Too friendly and ever-inquisitive. Yes, Luke looked like shit; he’d been crying for an hour at a time, every few hours, and all he’d had to eat in the past two days was some wet broccoli at the hospital and a bag of chips he’d bought that morning in Brisbane, and there were bruises all up and down his right arm from a car crash he wished he’d died in.

Luke didn’t say any of that. He prayed his voice would be steady and said, “Yes. Thanks.” 

The messy-haired boy did not seem convinced. After a pause, he offered, “My name’s Ashton, by the way.”

When Luke was silent, the boy - Ashton - held out his hand to shake. It was an awkward position, because they were sitting next to each other in a crowded train, and Luke probably still had blood under his nails, but he shook Ashton’s hand. It was much bigger than his own.

“Luke,” he offered in return.

“Nice to meet you, Luke. Where are you headed today?”

Luke pressed his lips together and accepted the fact he was having a conversation. At least, he reflected, he was focused on something else for a while. He found difficulty answering Ashton’s first question.

“Uh, Perth.”

It was the biggest city on the west coast. It was a safe bet, given that he didn’t actually know where he would end up.

“Oh, hey, I’m going to Perth, too.” Ashton turned his shoulders a bit to face Luke more. “Man, it’s not even sunny in here. Take your hat off, or something.” 

Luke narrowed his eyes as Ashton gestured to his sunglasses on his head, giving an example for Luke. It was obvious Ashton just wanted another ask at why Luke looked so awful, so he kept his hat on. 

Ashton sighed. “Okay. Why are you going to Perth, then?”

“Don’t know,” Luke responded.

“You’re on the Trans-Australia. We’re going from Brisbane to Perth. And you don’t know why? Did you put yourself on this train or were you just dumped here?”

Luke ignored Ashton’s attempt at a joke. “Talk to someone else.” He heard his mother in his head, telling him off for being rude, and he rubbed his eyes. She wasn’t here, he reminded himself. 

“Sorry, Luke.” Ashton sounded sincere. “Didn’t mean to bother you.”  
  


“It’s okay,” Luke ground out, determinedly staring out the window. He wasn’t even paying attention to the outside world anymore.

“Besides, you’re the only one on the train who knows my name now, and I don’t want to introduce myself again.” 

Luke found it hard to imagine Ashton not wanting to introduce himself again. He’d managed to slip in an introduction sitting with Luke, and that was a feat. Luke rolled his eyes, then a question occurred to him.

“You’re going to Perth alone?”

Ashton threw the ball right back at him. “Aren’t you as well?”

“Well, I guess. Why, though?”

“Why Perth? Well, I have some friends over there that I haven’t seen in a while, first of all. Second - you’ll have to tell me why you’re going if you wanna know.” He said it with a cheeky smile. 

Luke gave a hesitant thin-lipped smile of his own and shook his head. He didn’t have any reasons at the moment. He didn’t even know if he wanted to go to Perth.

The rumble of the train lulled him into a strange sense of calm. He and Ashton fell into an easy silence.

  
  


THREE

Ashton yawned and stretched his legs. A moment later, when he stood up, Luke felt a rush of disappointment. He convinced himself it was good that Ashton is leaving. At least he wasn’t going to have to share anything about himself.

“I’m going for a snack,” Ashton announced. “Want anything?”

Luke mentally retracted everything he’d assumed. Then he frowned at Ashton’s question. That something a friend would say. He didn’t know what the train sold, anyways, so there was no point in requesting something, but it made Luke pleased to know Ashton didn’t dislike him.

“Luke?”  
  


Luke realized he hadn’t responded. “No, thanks, I’m good.” 

Ashton sized him up briefly, then nodded and walked away towards the front of the train car without a backwards glance.

Luke let out a sigh and took off his hat once Ashton was out of sight. He kept his head down, though, wary of other passengers, while he scrubbed at his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. Keeping up a sane appearance was going to be a struggle. Even thinking about the last week made Luke’s throat close up, so he picked up his phone instead and scrolled through his weather app for distraction, putting his hat on again.

It was supposed to be sunny in Brisbane for the rest of the week. He set his home city to Perth instead and read the forecast there. Sun, clouds, sun, thunderstorm, sun. Late summer in Australia could bring a lot of variation in forecast, so Luke didn’t bother trying to commit any of it to memory.

Ashton sat down beside him with a tray on his lap. There was a chicken salad, a diet coke, and fries. It looked good, but Luke couldn’t imagine eating much. He took out his water bottle and sipped from it.

“You want some?” 

“Huh?” Luke wasn’t sure he heard Ashton correctly. Ashton swallowed his mouthful of salad, and repeated himself.

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Luke tried to laugh. He couldn’t manage - it came out as a dry almost-cough, and Ashton furrowed his eyebrows in response. Luke cleared his throat self-consciously and looked out the window.

Oh no, Luke thought. He thinks I’m weird.

“Dead sure, dude? These are good fries.”

Luke didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to feel sick and have to throw up. He also wanted to act like a normal human being. “Fine, okay.” He took one from Ashton’s tray. Ashton kept eating his salad. 

After a few minutes, Luke had eaten almost half of Ashton’s fries. His appetite had returned, and he was feeling better. At least, feeling more energized. 

“Three at a time?”

Luke stopped mid-bite, then said, “You offered,” before continuing. Ashton was smiling, though, so Luke only felt a bit bad. 

When they finished, Ashton got up to throw away the plates and give the tray back to the train staff. He left his backpack with Luke this time, and Luke caught himself eyeing it. Did it contain the same things Luke had in his? A few clothes, old flip-flops, a phone charger, a toothbrush and toothpaste? Probably a bit more, if Ashton was anything like normal. He probably had a computer and a rain jacket and a hat, too. That’s what Luke’s mom would have made him pack.

“Thank you,” Luke said, when Ashton sat down. Ashton slid his sunglasses onto his face again and grinned from behind them.

“No problem.”

Luke had to remind himself, forcefully, that he was not here to make friends. He was here to go to the west coast and live by himself and make friends once he had forgotten about Brisbane. A small piece of doubt in his head rebutted him, as if to say, _good luck forgetting the car crash_.

“So, are you from Brisbane?”

Great, Ashton wanted to talk about family history. “Yeah. But I was born in Sydney.” He felt rude leaving it at that, so Luke added, “How about you?”

“Born and raised in Perth.” 

They talked a bit about the cities, and Luke found himself liking the sound of Perth. Maybe he would end up there eventually. The Trans-Australia was a four-day trip, so he had some time to decide. If Luke was being honest with himself, which he was often not, he wanted to end up in Perth. At least he’d know someone there. 

Soon, Luke and Ashton lapsed into silence, and, as always, Luke’s thoughts returned to his family. At some point, Ashton was going to ask, and he was going to be weirded out when Luke won’t answer. How was Luke supposed to explain that his family was gone? That his dad and his brother were dead, and that his mom was in a coma? Luke hated the pity all the hospital nurses offered him when the news came. No, he didn’t want a drink. No, he didn’t want to think about next steps. No, he didn’t want to go to therapy and discuss his feelings. He was angry and wretched and lost and he knew it and he wanted to feel it, because if he didn’t feel his heart seized in the cold hand of circumstance then he would feel nothing.

“What’re you listening to?” Ashton gestured at the phone Luke was gripping in his hand. Luke hurriedly released his iron hold, trying to be discreet.

“Nothing?” It was true; Luke had forgotten to put music on.

Ashton pushed up his glasses and said, “Want some suggestions?”

“Sure, why not.” Luke uttered. He felt stuck in the fog of his memories and struggled to pull himself out of it. 

“Ever heard of The Cure?” 

“Heard, of, yes…”

Ashton lifted his eyebrows and took out his own phone. “Oh, man, get ready for this.”

They talked about music and bands. It was The Cure, then Nirvana (and of course Luke knew them), then The Misfits, then the Sex Pistols, and Luke had to scroll through own music library to show Ashton the Smashing Pumpkins, and they talked about the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Luke felt real smiles creeping onto his face. 

Every time he got excited, however, a chill that stemmed from guilt would rush through him and remind him of everything. Ashton seemed to pick up on this, but never asked, and for that Luke was grateful. Luke didn’t want to explain that he felt guilty for being alive.

  
  


FOUR

The sun started to set ahead of the train. Ashton was dozing beside Luke, and even though Luke kind of needed to use the bathroom, he didn’t want to wake him. He looked out the window instead and watched the orange glow on the horizon.

_Dead, dead, dead,_ Luke’s brain chanted. Cold panic had started seeping through his body.

The ice fist had returned and was holding Luke’s airway, just barely letting enough air through. Breathe, he told himself. He started looking around the train, eyes landing on anything, desperate to distract himself. The passengers were all - just - sitting, though, and nothing was happening. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Luke’s hands untangled his headphones, but they were shaking, and it was slow and frustrating and Luke felt the fist close, so he put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from gasping for air, and he started breathing through his nose, but it wasn’t enough air. His eyes were watering and he felt them reddening from his tears again. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Ragged breaths made his throat raw. He pushed on his chest with his other hand and looked to the ceiling. It was passing.

Luke regained control of himself and wiped his eyes with his sleeves. He winced when he moved his right arm too fast. 

Ashton made a soft “hm” next to him, and Luke turned his neck at record speed, hoping to god he wasn’t awake. And he wasn’t - not yet, at least. Ashton’s dozing face looked kind of stupid, but in a funny way, and Luke focused on that instead. Ashton’s lips were pushed forward in a kind of swaggery pout, and the tinted glasses hid his eyes from the front, so only Luke knew his eyes were closed. 

“Hmgh?” Ashton slipped into wakefulness and Luke glanced away, back into the orange sunset. Next to him, Ashton was running his hands through his hair sleepily, and he finished off with a yawn and tucked the sunglasses away in his backpack.

“Good sleep?” Luke asked.

“Yeah,” Ashton said, contentedly. Luke, painfully aware of his post-panic state, stared determinedly out the window. The sunlight was at a terrible angle. It shone into his face.

“Luke, you okay?” 

Oh shit, Ashton had seen his face. Luke opened his mouth and closed it again when his throat burned.

Ashton turned to Luke, giving them more privacy from the rest of the train. His face showed his concern. Luke wished he’d just turn away and forget about him. “Are you okay?” He said it quieter this time.

Ashton shouldn’t have to deal with him like this, Luke thought glumly. He was just a nice dude wondering why his train buddy looked like the last time he slept was last year and on a concrete slab. And, maybe, straight out of a mental breakdown.

“Yeah,” Luke whispered. Ashton shook his head.

“Dude, I’m not kidding. You have massive bags under your eyes. Have you been crying? You look real bad. I don’t mean to get nosy, I swear, I just…” He trailed off. “Sorry.”

Luke swallowed thickly. They sat in silence for a minute, and Luke was doing breathing exercises the entire time, but subtly.

“Okay,” Luke said in his normal voice. “I kinda need to use the bathroom, do you mind standing for a sec?”

Ashton got up almost immediately. “Yeah, no problem.”

Luke really was glad he didn’t have to sit next to some ancient angry guy instead. Of course, it would have been more convenient to not have to sit beside anyone at all.

Before leaving the bathroom, Luke dug through his backpack and got out his toothbrush. Dental hygiene was important, especially now that he had no money for dentists and no insurance. He brushed his teeth for a long time and eyed himself in the mirror.

Luke Hemmings, 16. Blond hair pushed down and onto his forehead, beside his face, just like he was twelve again. His blue eyes were dim and grey in the bathroom lighting, and they were slightly sunken. Luke remembered, growing up, how much he liked his eyes - his mother always said he was lucky to have blue, and he always liked how in pictures, when he was smiling, they just lit up. It made him feel like a burning flame. In a good way. Now, however, he found it hard to meet his gaze in the mirror. 

His lips were pale in this light, too, and his mind recalled how he wanted to get a piercing somewhere on his lip. Oh, how his mother disliked that idea. She always told him to wait until he was old enough. She never said when that would be.

Luke couldn’t think of any more reasons to stay in the bathroom, so he splashed some water on his face and left. He would have to face Ashton at some point, unless he got off the train now. Or, Luke supposed, he could go a compartment over.

Luke banished that thought. He didn’t want to leave Ashton.

“Hey,” Ashton said, standing up to let him in the aisle. Luke nodded at him from the safety under his hat. He sat down and took in a breath. Ashton was still looking at him weird, and it made Luke irritated. 

“Okay, so.” Luke started, hoping to get this over with. Ashton would probably just accept whatever Luke told him if it sounded real enough. He was annoyed that Ashton’s kindhearted concern for a stranger had been inflicted upon Luke.

He turned to Ashton and met his eyes. They were a pretty dark hazel, wide in anxious curiosity but narrowed slightly for whatever reason, and Luke opened his mouth and looked away. 

“I’ve just had a rough couple of days,” Luke blurted out.

Ashton waited a few moments, and said, “That’s it?”

“Yes,” Luke muttered. Too late he realized he couldn’t make up a scenario without falling back into the hospital. He inhaled shakily. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

“Okay.” Ashton said. Luke was immediately grateful there were no more questions. “Cool of you to tell me, I guess. Sorry for prying.”

Luke sniffled and relaxed minutely. He pulled out his phone and realized he didn’t have any of Ashton’s songs on it - he really needed to download some, when he had WiFi again. Luke eyed Ashton’s phone and decided to ask before he lost his nerve.

“Do you wanna, like, switch phones, so I can listen to The Cure?” Luke proposed hesitantly, tacking on: “and you can listen to the Smashing Pumpkins or Blink or whatever?”

Ashton smiled easily. “Good idea!”

They exchanged phones and set each other up with their respective music libraries. This was fun, Luke decided. Ashton was fun to talk to and he had a good taste in music. If Luke fell asleep listening to Ashton's music library, there were worse things that could have happened. 

  
  


FIVE

“Luke. Luke.”

Ashton was poking Luke’s shoulder, which ached with each press. Luke hurriedly swatted Ashton’s hand away and held his injured arm tenderly. A buzzing sound infiltrated his ears.

“Luke, sorry, I hate to wake you up, but someone’s calling you-“

Luke’s eyes flew open and he grabbed the phone out of Ashton’s hand. He turned towards the window and picked up. The caller ID said “Redcliffe Hospital.”

“Hi?”

“Is this Luke Hemmings?”

“Yes, it’s me.” Luke’s heart was a racehorse. Had his mom woken up? The doctors said she was in critical condition, and that she probably wouldn’t, but what if-

“Can you tell me where you are?” 

Oh, no. “Is my mom there?”

“Mr Hemmings, I need you to tell me where you are.” Luke made a noise of frustration and pinched his nose. There was no way in hell he was telling anyone where he was - they all wanted to bring him back to the hospital, because he had left without permission and he wasn’t legally allowed to live on his own. He figured this would happen eventually. But… his mother… if she was awake, he could go back.

“If you tell me how my mom is, I’ll tell you where I am.”

There was a brief silence on the end of the line. Then, “She’s still in a coma, I’m afraid.”

Still in a coma.

Luke hung up.

He pressed his fingers into his temples and rubbed his eyes. No change in plans, he thought. Keep going until you’re on the west coast. Keep going and going until you’re on the west coast. Perth, he reminded himself.

It was dark in the cabin, and the landscape outside was invisible. It had to have been around midnight. The train car was quiet but for the whispering of a couple on the other side of the aisle. 

“Luke, you good?” 

“I’m fine.”

“Was that the hospital calling?” So he’d read the caller ID.

Well, there was no point in hiding it now, Luke figured. He was still riding the dreadful high of hearing news about his mother, and his hands were trembling, even when he rested them on his legs. “Yeah.”

“Your mom’s in the hospital?” Ashton cleared his throat. “I mean… sorry, Luke.”

“She’s in a coma,” Luke said bluntly. It felt surprisingly good to get this off his chest and into the air, so he barreled onwards. “Car crash.”

“Oh, man,” Ashton muttered. “Shit.”

Luke swallowed and closed his eyes, feeling a wave of horror sweep over him. Dread filled his gut and his throat squeezed closed, and he forced out the next words.

“My dad and my brother died.”

_Dead, dead, dead_. Never seeing them again. Luke was drifting in a sea of clouds and he was so, so lost.

“Luke,” he heard Ashton say, as if from a distance. Luke thought vaguely, I don’t want your pity. Leave me alone. I shouldn’t have told you, now I fucked up my chance at forgetting.

Then a hand reached across Luke’s body and pulled his far shoulder in. Another hand went around Luke’s back. Luke felt Ashton hesitate, and Luke didn’t know what he was doing, but he reached out for Ashton too. Ashton gripped him in a tight embrace. Luke felt tears spring to his eyes and he turned his face into the side of Ashton’s head and neck. He breathed heavily, trying to calm down, and inhaled the smell of something that reminded him of sunlight. It distracted him from the sobs rising in his throat and he focused on it. Sunlight. Perth. Ashton.

Ashton started rubbing circles into his back, and Luke felt his shoulders relax. He hadn’t realized how hunched his shoulders were until they started falling. Luke slumped into Ashton’s arms and hugged back until he could breathe right again.

“Sorry,” Luke whispered, pulling back. Ashton let him go and shook his head.

“Don’t be.”

Luke didn’t look at Ashton for the rest of the night on the train. He put his earbuds in, played music off his own phone, and stared unseeingly out the window. The rumble of the train car on the tracks led him into an uneasy sleep.

  
  


SIX

Luke woke up to the hazy glow of dawn outside the train. The scenery had changed from the Brisbane countryside: farms, trees, and horses; to a grassland. The sky went on for what seemed like forever. It was peaceful, and Luke allowed himself a moment of tranquility, closing his eyes. Brisbane was long gone, and he was on his way to a new life.

Which reminded him of Ashton. Ashton knew what had happened in Brisbane.

Luke glanced over to find Ashton awake and playing some game on his phone. While Luke was watching, he looked up uneasily.

“Morning,” Luke said. He motioned for Ashton to stand, to let him out of the aisle, and Ashton did.

In the bathroom, Luke regarded himself in the mirror. He had slept relatively well, and the dark bags under his eyes were fading. If he took his hat off, he looked almost normal. He still didn’t want to meet his own gaze, though. Instead, he focused on his hair - he really needed to wash it, and he didn’t know where he could find a shower. Living alone and without money was going to be way harder than he had anticipated. Luke almost thought about going back and taking up the nurses on their offer of a foster home, but he found himself recoiling at that idea. He didn’t think he could go back to having parent figures in his life so soon. They all reminded him of his mom and dad. Hey, he thought, if all this goes to shit and he dies in a ditch or in some restaurant bathroom, there wasn’t much to live for anyways.

Hunger stirred his stomach and Luke resigned himself to getting something to eat. He washed his hands thoroughly and left.

Luke’s seat was en route to the tiny cafe, so when he passed it, he tapped Ashton on the shoulder. It was quiet and the train was empty enough that he wasn’t worried about their seats being taken.

“Wanna get breakfast?” He asked, keeping his voice down. Ashton gave him the thumbs-up and put his sunglasses on to join Luke.

The cafe was in the train car ahead of them, so it wasn’t far. When they were standing in line behind an old woman ordering three coffees, Ashton gestured to Luke’s head and commented, “No hat?”

“No hat,” Luke agreed. 

“What can I get for you two?” The cashier interrupted, politely. Luke redirected the question at Ashton by stepping back while he looked at the menu.

Luke found it was easier to keep his food down than it had been for the last few days. The food wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, either. The best Luke could say was that it was better than breakfast in the hospital. 

As the world around the train turned to day, Luke felt the air between him and Ashton coalescing. He could tell Ashton wanted to ask about his family - or maybe Ashton just wanted to ask about Luke - but Luke was too deep in regret about sharing what happened to his family last night, and he was in no mood to discuss. Of course, this meant the topic was bound to come up.

“You okay, though?” Ashton finished their idle conversation after breakfast with this question. “I mean, I guess you aren’t…”

Luke sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I, sorry for dumping that all on you. I know you didn’t ask for it, really, and I guess we aren’t even friends, so.”

Ashton turned to him, mock-offended. “We aren’t even friends? Luke!”

“What?” Luke felt a smile playing at his lips. 

“We’re officially friends now.”

Ashton was adamant, and Luke was happy. He’d known Ashton for 24 hours, but they’d talked and shared music and slept beside each other - he already trusted Ashton more than he’d trusted a lot of his friends back in Brisbane. And he’d shared his biggest secret.

Oh, right. Oh, fuck. He felt a rattlesnake curl in his stomach. If he wanted to start a new life and forget about Brisbane, he was going to have to leave Ashton behind.

“What is it?” Ashton could somehow sense Luke’s trepidation. I shouldn’t have told you, Luke thought to himself.

“Nothing,” he said.

Perth. Sunlight. Ashton. Oh, how Luke wished he could forget. 

Luke remembered his and Ashton’s hug last night, and he felt a surge of warmth towards the other boy. It must have taken guts to embrace a stranger who was falling apart in the middle of the night. Luke liked to think he would have done the same, but he was too afraid of the fallout and too unwilling to throw himself headfirst into other people’s problems.

Perth, sunlight, and Ashton. He didn’t think about his future any more than he could handle.

Next to him, Ashton started air drumming on his lap. He caught Luke watching and gave him a sidelong look, eyebrows raised.

“Do you play drums?”

“How’d you guess?” Luke rolled his eyes and didn’t respond.

“Yeah, I play drums. I have a drum kit back in Perth, actually. I play a bit of guitar, too, but to be honest I’m kinda mediocre at that.”

“You play guitar?” Luke exclaimed.

“What, you too?”

“Yeah! That’s like, my favourite thing. I taught guitar lessons in Brisbane.” He thought back to his guitar in his empty house. He wished he could have brought it with him. It was a stratocaster, a beautiful classic, and it was baby-blue with a white pickguard. His parents gave him it for his 12th birthday.

“Dude, awesome. We should start a band.”

Luke laughed and shook his head. He allowed himself to imagine that for a moment, and it was good. He’d always wanted to be in a band. 

“My guitar, though.” He pointed out. “I left it in Brisbane.”

“Aw, right.” They were quiet for a bit, and then Ashton patted Luke’s knee and sent him a knowing look. “When you get one, though. We’re starting a band.”

“Sure,” Luke promised. He wanted to be able to keep it.

  
  


SEVEN

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Luke grew more bored with the train, and he busied himself playing crappy mobile games that made his eyes glaze over. Two more days. He was both dreading the boredom and dreading having to ever leave.

In the late afternoon, about about ten minutes before the train stopped at Adelaide, both boys were fidgeting restlessly. Ashton’s knee was bouncing. Luke was aching to get off the train and run to blow off some steam.

“Do you have a plan?” 

Finally Ashton asked the question that had been weighing on Luke’s mind. “Not really.”

“You said you wanted to come to Perth, right?”

“Well, I just wanted to get onto the west coast, really. I didn’t-” Luke shrugged, somewhat helplessly- “I didn’t think ahead.”

Luke had given Ashton a short rundown on why he had chosen to leave Brisbane instead of join a foster home earlier. It had led him to ask, “wait, how old are you?” and upon finding Luke was 16, saying, “you look 14, dude.” Ashton himself was 18. Instead of being offended, Luke had rolled his eyes and made a vow to himself to change his style sooner or later.

Ashton pursed his lips thoughtfully and said, “Well, I guess you have some time to think about it in the next few days.”

The train pulled up at Adelaide, and Luke looked outside wistfully. Sun streamed in through the windows, and people shouted and chattered outside. Luke’s legs were cramped. Either he was getting taller, or he hadn’t moved in a long time. It might have been both.

Ashton seemed to notice Luke’s restlessness, and he leaned over to take a look out the window too. His hair brushed Luke’s cheek, and Luke smelled the sunlight again. It was relaxing, and Luke sat back farther to allow Ashton more room, acting like he was bothered by Ashton in his space.

“Do you still have your ticket?” Ashton asked, sitting back. He tilted his head to point outside with his chin. “It’s beautiful out. We could spend a few hours here, if you want, and catch the next train.”

Luke raised his eyebrows and dug around in his backpack. If he had a chance to get outside, he’d take it. He found the train ticket, but paused, having second thoughts.

“But…” There were a lot of things on Luke’s mind. What if the hospital had sent someone after him? He was breaking the law, apparently, so that wouldn’t be too wild of an assumption. And Ashton - he probably wanted to get home, to Perth, quickly, so it wouldn’t be fair to him if Luke made them stay in Adelaide. He weighed his options. “When’s the next train?”

Ashton pulled out his phone and checked the time. It was half past 4. “Like, five hours? Last train comes through at 10, if I remember correctly.”

“And you’re - you’d want to, like, stay here with me, until then?”

Ashton’s face broke into a grin. “Dude, yeah. Ever been to Adelaide before?”

“When I was a kid, I think,” Luke mused. 

Ashton stood up and swung his backpack onto his shoulder. He slid his sunglasses onto his face. He looked happy - and it was contagious. Luke was smiling too. “Come on, then. Let’s go see Adelaide.”

* * *

“Anything you wanna do, Luke?” Ashton was bouncing along the sidewalk ahead of him, walking backwards and checking over his shoulder every couple of steps. He seemed to get that Luke wanted to forget about his family. If it were anyone else, they’d probably try and treat Luke like a broken puppy.

Luke made a drawn-out “ummmm” noise to show he was thinking. He couldn’t decide on anything, so he somewhat ironically said, “I wanna take a shower.”

“A shower.”

Before Luke could respond, Ashton’s eyes lit up. “Does the beach count?”

Taking Luke’s hesitance as a sign of agreement, Ashton grabbed his hand and started pulling him along. Luke felt helpless laughter bubbling in his chest. “Ashton! Wait!”

“No time to wait!” The boy called over his shoulder. “Let’s go!”

Luke was dragged along as Ashton led them through crowds of people. They were following a main street, something of a thoroughfare to most of the city, and Luke’s breath burned in his lungs in a good way. It was freeing. 

The amount of people on the sidewalks thinned out the farther they got from the city. It felt like thirty minutes had passed. Ashton eventually slowed down, and Luke let go of his hand to walk beside him. It was then Luke realized his bruises hadn’t healed, and the arm that Ashton had been holding was beginning to ache. Oh, well.

“You’ve been here before, then?” Luke prompted.

“Yeah. I was here last summer with my friends for a week or so. Most of the traveling I’ve done has been in, I don’t know, the last few years, I think, so it’s all pretty fresh in my memory.”

“You never went anywhere as a kid?”

“Not really.”

Luke could tell Ashton was dancing around a topic he didn’t want to talk about. He decided to drop it.

“How long until we get there?”

Ashton turned a corner. Late afternoon sun streamed into Luke’s eyes. Ashton smiled brilliantly. “We’re here.”

It was very similar, Luke thought, to the beaches in Brisbane. Pale sand, parts of it crowded with people and tourists, while other parts were lined with surfboards and signs that indicated rougher waves. The one difference, however, was the sun. In Adelaide, the beach was facing the west, and Luke could tell the sun was going to set right over the water.

Luke was suddenly reminded of his injuries. He wasn’t going to be able to swim and be unnoticed with massive purple and yellow bruises lining his side. He also didn’t have a swimsuit. This was a terrible plan.

“Uh, Ashton?” Luke called to the boy running ahead down the beach. When he got no response, he broke into a sprint to catch up.

“Ashton!”

“Hey Luke!”

Luke stopped to catch his breath when they met again, about ten meters from the water. “I’m, uh. Can’t go swimming right now.”

Ashton’s brow furrowed, and he joked, “On your period?”

“What- No!” Luke laughed. “Just don’t have a swimsuit with me.” And the bruises on his side looked like he’d been kicked in the ribs until he passed out. It was not a tough look, either. It was just a depressing reminder of how lucky he was.

“Ah, well,” Ashton said, faintly disappointed, “there are public showers down that way a bit. I supposed you can jump straight to the chase.”

Luke shaded his eyes and found the building Ashton was pointing at. “Sure. Thanks! See you back here.”

As Luke was leaving, Ashton took his shirt off and waved with it. Luke shook his head at the ridiculousness, but he spared a second to wonder if Ashton really was a surfer, with that body. It didn’t matter all that much, really. Luke continued down the beach and tried to enjoy the warm temperature and the sea breeze.

  
  


EIGHT

Luke and Ashton wound up sitting on the beach and watching the tide come in. The sun was still pretty high. He wished he had sunglasses. Maybe he’d buy some when they went back to the train.

Luke had showered in the arguably disgusting public showers and changed into his only other clothes, which also included, thankfully, a long sleeve shirt. His hair was damp and it stuck up when he towel-dried it, so he left it there instead of flattening it into a kind of fringe like he usually did. It was easier to see, to say the least. It also made him look a bit older.

Ashton had changed too, after Luke, and after he had been swimming. Luke was jealous - the water was warm, and it would have been perfect. Ashton was wearing a sleeveless shirt, now, that looked like it used to be a t-shirt, and the same black skinny jeans. The shirt had the Pink Floyd prism on the front. Luke was vaguely envious of his style - even his hipster tinted sunglasses looked cool on him, and his hair was drying into curls that complimented his face. 

Ashton stopped drawing in the sand to take a photo. Then he put his phone away and addressed Luke.

“We have 4 hours left. Anything else you wanna do?” It was accompanied by an award-winning smile. Luke felt a rush of fondness towards him.

So there was actually something Luke wanted to do. He felt kind of strange asking, but that was most likely because of his mother’s influence.

“Do you know any places that do piercings?”

Ashton lifted his eyebrows and considered. “Pretty sure there’s a tattoo parlor on Marina that’ll do them. Why, you thinking of getting one?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Luke said. He sighed. “My mother- well, she always said-“

At the mention of Luke’s mother, Ashton peered at him with a bit more concentration and concern. Luke continued as if he hadn’t noticed. “She always said that I shouldn’t get one until I was older.” He let out a huff of sad laughter. “I wanted a lip ring. She probably thought I was being ridiculous, but, hey, I’m older now, and I haven’t changed my mind.”

Ashton smiled and put his hands behind his head to lie back on the sand. “Such a rebel, Luke. A lip ring and guitar. You’re so punk rock.”

“Shut up,” Luke rolled his eyes. He still wasn’t comfortable talking about his mother. That wasn’t a surprise, at least. He was grateful, though, for Ashton.

“Wanna go now?” Ashton made to stand up, but waited for Luke.

“Sure.”

Ashton stood and offered a hand to Luke to help him up. Luke gripped it and almost made Ashton lose his balance, levering all his weight into it - this resulted in Ashton slipping forward, yelling “fuck!” and laughing uncontrollably, still somehow managing to pull Luke into a standing position.

It was a short walk up the beach to Marina street. Ashton hummed the whole time. It sounded like a Blink-182 song.

Luke felt his nerves come back, but he managed to hold them at bay. The knowledge that he’d already lived through the worst thing that could happen made him see everything else a little differently. To be honest, he was more guilty that he was getting a lip ring without telling his mom.

When they were nearly there, Ashton gave him some background. “There’s a lady who runs it, she’s pretty cool. I met her when I came last year. She almost did my first tattoo. Then she found out I was underage, so.”

Ashton knocked on the door, three times. Luke took a moment to give the building a once-over - it was styled kind of like a bar, with a heavy wooden door and some tinted windows beside it. A red neon sign proclaimed “Free drink with your body mod!”

“You can just walk in, you know,” a woman grumbled upon opening the door. She stepped back to let them in. 

“Wouldn’t want to take you by surprise again.” Ashton said this with a wink. Luke started paying a bit more attention to Ashton and the woman.

“Oh, Ashton! I almost didn’t recognize you!” She clasped his hand in and gave him a pat on the back - a kind of bro hug. Her eyes landed on Luke behind him. “Who’s this?”

Ashton stepped back and joined Luke again. “Charlie, this is Luke. Luke, Charlie.”

Charlie had dyed hair - the tips were red-orange, and most of it was blond except the inch or two of brown roots. She was older, Luke noticed, probably in her late 20s, and she looked friendly enough. Tattoos crawled up either side of her neck, and she had a nose stud. She looked a lot like Luke thought a tattoo artist would.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, shaking Luke’s hand.

“And you,” he returned, maybe too formally.

Charlie looked to Ashton. “So, what can I do for you guys?”

“Nothing for me this time.” Ashton nodded to Luke. “But you do piercings, too, don’t you?”

“What kind?” Charlie asked warily.

Ashton laughed, as if it were some inside joke, so Luke answered instead. “Lip?”

“Oh, yeah. For you? What side are you thinking?”

“Like, left?”

“Let’s get you over here. Come on.” Ashton and Luke followed her into a dark corner in the shop that lit up at the flick of a switch. Luke sat down hesitantly at the chair. It was similar to the ones at dentists, but it was smaller and on wheels. 

“Okay, whereabouts exactly?”

* * *

A short while later, Luke was sitting on the chair holding a tissue over his lip. It had hurt more than he’d expected, and bled more, but he sure felt like he was alive. At this point, he figured that was all he could ask for. 

Ashton had gone across the room to give Luke some privacy, but came back when Luke waved at him. Luke lifted the tissue and raised his eyebrows in question.

Ashton whistled in appreciation. It made Luke’s face warm, and he rolled his eyes, vaguely embarrassed. “Does it make me look cool?” He asked, slightly ironically.

Ashton held his hand out for a high five and grinned. “Yeah, I guess it does. Idiot,” he added, with a hint of fondness. 

Luke started digging in his pocket for money to pay Charlie, but Ashton swatted his hand away and shook his head. “I’ll cover it, Luke. You have, like, a hundred dollars to live on. Save it.”

Luke was about to start arguing - Ashton was being unnecessarily kind at the moment, even though he was probably right, and it was making him feel bad - but Charlie cut him off before he could get started. 

“Drinks, boys?” 

Luke shook his head. “I’m 16. Sorry.”

Ashton made a small indignant noise. “But I’m 18. Give me some.” Ashton made a pity face at Luke before swiping a beer can out of Charlie’s hand. “You call this a drink?”

“You’re barely legal, Ashton,” Charlie said. “Don’t go overboard.”

“You can’t take it from me now.”

Luke checked the time on his phone. He had left his watch in his backpack today, not fond of what it reminded him of. It was just past eight. Him and Ashton had less than two hours left in Adelaide.

“Come on.” Luke jumped out of the chair and tossed the tissue in the garbage. As much as he appreciated Charlie, Luke didn’t want to sit in her parlour while her and Ashton drank. It made him feel left out, in more than one way. 

“Your boy’s leaving,” Charlie teased, and Ashton looked over his shoulder to see Luke heading for the door. Luke idled for politeness’ sake, but his mind latched onto Charlie’s words without meaning to. He cast it away and gave Charlie a grateful smile.

“Thanks for this,” Luke said, waving a hand the piercing. “It’s fantastic.”

“You’re welcome, kid. Come back whenever.”

Ashton put his beer down and joined Luke at the door. He gave a mock salute to Charlie before they both ducked out and went back onto the street.

  
  


NINE

“How are you?”

Luke looked to Ashton. Ashton looked back, brow furrowed with concern that Luke didn’t feel he warranted.

“I’m okay, I guess,” he said finally. “I’m glad we got off the train.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Ashton seemed to consider his next words. “I mean also with your… family. Do you think giving yourself, I don’t know, distractions, is helping?”

Luke cleared his throat and felt a stone drop in his stomach. He knew Ashton was coming from a good place, though, so he tried to answer. “Short term? Yeah. I don’t know for the long term. I just don’t want to... “ He inhaled, slowly. “Deal with it yet, fully, I guess.”

Ashton nodded, but he didn’t look much more relaxed. He moved a bit closer to Luke, until they were almost brushing each other with every step, and he lifted his arm to give Luke’s shoulders a squeeze. Luke let himself sink into it. Sunlight, he thought absentmindedly. Ashton.

Ashton released him, and then the grin was back on his face. “By the way, Luke. You should keep your hair like that.” 

Luke had nearly forgotten that he’d left it off his forehead. He smiled at the ground and felt his cheeks warm for the second time that night. 

“You should keep your hair like that, too,” he replied. He was referring to Ashton’s curls. 

Now they were both blushing, Luke thought distantly. 

“Where are we going?” He asked. Luke looked up at the skyline, and caught flashes of the early sunset between buildings. The atmosphere on the street had changed from earlier - there were less families, and more music being played from restaurants and bars. The air smelled like gasoline and concrete instead of sunscreen and ocean breeze. The saltwater was still there, of course, but not as sharp. Luke was getting hungry and tired. This was bad, he reflected, because soon he’d start sinking back into memories that he didn’t want to relive. They still had two hours left.

“I don’t know. Wherever. There’s a place on the beach that has takeout.”

“Let’s go there.” Luke spoke for his stomach. The darkness that was starting to fill the street was pretty, and it made the lights on the shopfronts glow nicely, but Luke was not feeling the aesthetic at the moment. He wanted to see the sun and he wanted to stay on the ground. Every fairytale aspect of his surroundings made him drift, and not in a good way.

Down on the beach again, Luke stopped at a cart to buy cheap sunglasses. They were black, and it matched his lip ring (somewhat unintentionally, but the coordination was nice). He and Ashton got fish and chips and sat down on the beach, just above the tide line.

It was a while before either of them spoke, but Luke started. “Thanks.”

Ashton glanced over, surprised. “For what?”

Luke gestured in the air. “Just… this all. Thanks for sitting next to me on the train. For talking to me, I guess. And for staying here with me.”

And for being a friend, he added mentally. For the security of having someone to trust. For sharing Adelaide with him. 

“Hey, Luke?” Ashton propped himself up on his arm. The sea breeze pushed his curls back a bit, and the sun glimmered in the reflection of his glasses. 

“Yeah?”

Ashton smiled, a little lopsided, and said, “Anytime.”

Luke felt a surge of contentment, and put his plate down beside him. The urge to hug Ashton was overwhelming, so he didn’t feel that weird when he held out his arms. “Come here.”

“Hug time?” Ashton said, the subtle bite that his words could have carried vaporized by the affection in his voice.

“Shut up,” Luke whispered. 

He wrapped his arms around Ashton, who did the same. Dimly, Luke realized he probably shouldn’t find Ashton’s embrace as therapeutic as he did. He decided it was too late to worry about that. He released a breath and let Ashton ground him in reality, pressing his face into the side of Ashton’s neck just like that first night on the train, breathing him in, making him think about the west coast again. His body warmth gave Luke a sense of safety, and he clung tighter, trying to absorb it.

Sunlight, Perth, and Ashton. Luke felt so real.

“What time is it?” Ashton said, muffled. 

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” Luke replied, just as muffled. They started laughing and drew apart. “What? You have a phone, too!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ashton said, pulling his out and reading it over the top of his sunglasses. “Nine-ish. We should probably start heading back to the station soon.”

“Already?” Luke grumbled.

“Unless you wanna sleep on the beach, punk boy.”

“Okay, okay.” Luke flopped back on the sand and stared up at the sky. It was a deep indigo, and some of the brightest stars were beginning to show. “Ten minutes, then.”

Ashton joined him on his back. “Ten minutes,” he agreed.

* * *

It was a warm night, but despite the heat, Luke felt chilled. It seemed that every dimly-lit corner he glanced at hid a shadowed person, just out of reach, with a voice strikingly familiar. 

Cars bothered him too, and while Luke hadn’t been affected in the daytime, his body and mind was making up for that now. His heart would speed and slow at troubling rates, directly influenced by the nearness and speed of passing vehicles. He hoped he wasn’t being so obviously skittish that Ashton would notice. 

When they were near the bright lights of the station, Luke bumped hard into Ashton’s shoulder trying to step farther away from the road, where a pickup truck roared past. He muttered a “sorry” and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“You okay?”

“Sorry. Uh, yeah. No. Did I tell you…” Luke trailed off. He thought back to when he told Ashton about the car crash; he’d given very little details, which had been intentional at the time.

“Tell me what?” Ashton was insistent, but respectfully so.

“That I was in the car with them.”

He tried to distance himself from the words, to depersonalize them and make them facts. He felt his throat start burning. The sensation was becoming far too familiar, and he rubbed a hand over his face in resignation. 

“Oh,” Ashton said, finally. He was looking at Luke with an indiscernible expression. “I didn’t… oh, Luke.” He didn’t say it, but they were both thinking it. This entire walk back must have been flashback hell. Instead, he asked, “Were you injured?”

“Not badly,” Luke said, shortly. He didn’t want Ashton to feel bad for him. 

They got to the station just before 10 o’clock, and Luke and Ashton just managed to get on and find a seat before the last whistle blew. Luke was beside the window, same as before. They fell asleep, Luke with his head on his backpack, and Ashton with those tinted sunglasses perched on his nose, head against the seat.

  
  


TEN

Morning came with glaring sunlight shining directly into Luke’s eyes. He had slept fairly well, if he didn’t count the half hour he spent partly awake listening to what he thought was his brother’s voice on the other side of the train car, trying to talk to him. There was a good chance it was just part of his dreams, anyways, and not a strange auditory hallucination.

Luke checked his phone and pulled up a map of the train system. They were about ten hours out of Adelaide, which meant they were about to cross the provincial border into Western Australia. From there it was two days until Perth.

“Luke, you up?”

“Hm.” It was a half-assed reply, but Luke was still drifting in the haze of sleep. He made an effort to pull himself out, and found Ashton holding his phone up, eyes bright, sunglasses on his head. “Yeah? What is it?”

“Just talking to my friends back home. I told them about you. They want a picture.”

Luke pressed his hands to his face, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. “Can I see a picture of them first, at least?”

Ashton laughed. “Yeah, good idea. I’ll ask them to send one.” 

A moment later, sure enough, Ashton held out his phone for Luke to take. It was a selfie of two boys, one of them doing a duckface and the peace sign, and the other holding the camera looking fed up with the first boy. Peace sign boy had dark brown hair shot through with bleach-blond streaks and tan skin. Camera boy had an eyebrow piercing and the wildest hair Luke could remember seeing on any guy his age - it was red and purple and sticking up and forward off his head like a hedgehog. 

“So that’s Calum,” Ashton pointed out, tapping his finger over the peace sign dude. “The other one’s Michael.”

“They look like fun people,” Luke commented. He hoped it didn’t come off as a weird thing to say, but he felt it.

“They are. You’d probably like them. Especially Michael - he plays wicked guitar.” 

Luke looked at the picture for a moment longer and tried to imagine talking to Ashton’s friends. Idly, he hoped he’d be able to. Last night, he had realized that even though he wanted to leave Brisbane behind and forget it all, Ashton was not the price he wanted to pay for it. And it was probably for the best that Ashton knew, anyways. This meant that as long as Ashton didn’t ditch him before Perth, he had an actual shot at getting to know Michael and Calum.

“Ready for our selfie?” Ashton prompted.

Luke responded by giving his phone back and letting out a resigned sigh, but a small smile still curved his lips. “Sure.” He ran his hands through his hair, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and hoped he didn’t look too much like he just woke up.

When Ashton flipped the phone camera, Luke leaned in and rested his head on Ashton’s shoulder. Ashton seemed a little surprised but relaxed a millisecond later, putting the side of his cheek against Luke’s head and sticking his tongue out. It was strangely coupley, Luke reflected, but he was comfortable and didn’t think about it too much as he smiled. The screen reminded Luke of the black ring in his lip. It did make him look better. A little older, maybe, and definitely cooler.

Ashton moved away to finish texting his friends. His face looked a bit pink, but Luke figured it had probably been the lighting in the train car.

Yawning, Luke contemplated the day ahead of them. Then he asked, “What’d you tell them?”

“Huh?”

“What’d you tell your friends about me?”

Ashton shrugged. “Nothing bad. And, well, nothing about, you know. I said that you were from Brisbane and you were travelling west, which is how I met you on the train. And that we stopped in Adelaide last night, so we’d be a couple hours later than they were expecting me. That’s basically it.”

Ashton scratched the back of his neck. Luke found the gesture vaguely endearing.

Later, in the bathroom, Luke was brushing his teeth, and thinking. It was something he had been trying not to do recently, because whenever he did, he started to feel the cold press of despair clench his insides. Not thinking was the only cure he had any success with. Of course, it only worked when he had a distraction.

Alone, Luke stared at himself in the mirror yet again. His appearance was changing rapidly - the broken sixteen-year-old who had boarded the Trans-Australia in Roma Station was a template that Luke had drawn over. He found it was easier to look himself in the face now.

He still hated how his eyes reminded him of his mother, and how his face shape brought back memories of his father’s similar one, and how his brother had the exact same cheekbones. He wished his bruised arm had been ripped off instead. Maybe then he’d feel less bone-deep wretchedness and guilt about being alive.

Luke forced his face to smile in the mirror, desperately trying to activate the dopamine in his brain so he didn’t look like a zombie when he saw Ashton again. A depressed zombie.

He still felt like one now, though, inside. 

“Thought any more about where you wanna go?” Ashton posed the question as soon as Luke sat down.

“Not really.”

“You can come to Perth, you know. It’s- that’s where I’m heading,” he added, somewhat unnecessarily. He was studying Luke’s face.

Luke allowed himself to consider that. He wanted to stick with Ashton, but he didn’t have enough money to rent a place, or do anything, really - to be honest, he’d probably end up sleeping on the street outside some old woman’s apartment until they took pity on him. Either that or get a job somewhere he could lock up and sleep in the back.

He tried to voice this. “I don’t know. I want to- I mean, it sounds beautiful there, and… but I don’t have a lot of money,” he winced, internally.

“I know you don’t,” Ashton said, taking Luke a bit by surprise at his confident tone.

“I- what?”

“Wanna come to Perth with me?”

“I told you, I don’t-”

Ashton sighed, loudly, and said, “Want to live in a flat with me and my two friends?”

Oh. _Oh._ “Um,” Luke said, taken aback. A door into his future had been opened, and sunlight spilled through. “Uh, yes?”

Ashton grinned and clapped Luke on the shoulder gently. “Yes. Awesome.”

“You’re sure?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t. And hey, we’ve lived basically together for the last two days, so I know you’re good.”

Luke was still a bit shell-shocked. Such a troubling piece of his future had disappeared because of Ashton’s kindness. He supposed he also owed it to Michael and Calum, who he assumed were the two friends Ashton shared an apartment with. He felt his face slowly break into a smile, and warmth rush through his veins.

“Thank you,” he whispered, not knowing if Ashton would hear it. Ashton looked up, though, then reached towards Luke’s hand, holding it for a split-second and squeezing it comfortingly. Luke squeezed back and felt the heat in his veins grow warmer before Ashton took his hand away. 

Perth, sunlight, and Ashton. That’s all he needed.

  
  


ELEVEN

The rest of the day dragged on forever. Ashton told Luke a bit about the flat in Perth - how it was close to the ocean and a shitty convenience store, and that the paint job on the outside was two different colours. The previous owners had been part way through redoing the walls a burnished brown-orange, which conflicted horrifically with the pale green original. Ashton figured this was partly why they had cheap rent, especially in comparison to the other houses in their neighbourhood.

The landscape around the train turned to scrubby desert. It had been a red desert for the last few hours, and while it was an incredible sight, the lack of any form of life had been disheartening. Ashton swore he’d seen a lizard coming out from under a rock. Luke struggled to believe him.

“Have you taken this train before?” 

Luke was curious for a few reasons. First, he’d like to find out more about Ashton, because he felt like all they did was talk about him for the last few days, and second, he wanted to make conversation to distract himself.

“Not westbound before. I took it east, about a year ago, to Gold Coast. It was with Mike and Cal. They went back to Perth before me.”

“Why’d you go there?”

Ashton sighed thoughtfully. “There’s a lot of reasons. First, I just wanted to travel, I guess. It seemed like a nice place.”

Luke nodded. He looked at Ashton, hoping for more, and was faced with a slightly uncomfortable expression on Ashton’s face. “What’s up?” He asked, instead.

Ashton dragged his hand through his hair, waving the other one vaguely. “Nothing. I also wanted to get life experience, since I’d been living in Perth my whole life, and I couldn’t afford to travel to Europe or America.”

Luke felt like Ashton was dancing around a larger topic, but he didn’t want to press. “Okay.”

A few moments of silence passed. Next to him, Ashton pressed his hands to his face, seemingly in an argument with himself. Luke waited patiently and wondered if he should offer some kind of comfort.

“Okay, I think you deserve to know. It’s a long story, though” Ashton said, muffling his words behind his hands. He took them off his face and turned to Luke, eyes vulnerable. Luke felt his heart twinge.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he said, quickly. But he wanted to know.

“No, Luke, now I’m gonna tell you no matter what,” Ashton tried to joke. He took a breath and started.

“When I was little, my dad left. It was fine; I barely knew him, and my mom was more than capable of taking care of me and my brother and my sister. After a few years, though, she got kind of…” Ashton shook his head and stared at the ceiling. “So she basically became an alcoholic. I had to take care of my brother and sister a lot after that.”

Luke pressed his lips together, sympathy blooming in his chest. He let Ashton continue uninterrupted.

“She started doing rehab at some point, I think because she felt guilty. I was ten, I think, at the time. It was a lot of false starts and she kept going back steps, kept drinking sometimes, but a couple years later she was clean. And she could take care of my brother and sister again. Of course, it didn’t get that much better - my dad called one night, and I heard my mom telling him to go to hell over the phone. At least it didn’t happen again, and at least she was sober.”

“It was good, I knew for the kids, but she didn’t… she didn’t really know how to talk to me. I could take care of myself, essentially. I spent a lot of time with my friends instead of at home, because she had taken to ignoring me. I got to about fifteen, almost sixteen, before I moved out. It wasn’t legal, but she didn’t tell. I couldn’t pay the rent, so I was looking for people to share the flat with, and when Cal dropped out of high school, he joined me. Michael was his best friend, so he came with, moving away from his parents down in Albany. It was, uh, I probably shouldn’t be telling all this for them - but I don’t think they’ll mind.”

Ashton paused a little and rubbed his thumb along his jeans. “So, basically, what I’m getting to, is when my dad called that night - like five years ago - my mom asked him something. She said, ‘Why’d you go and fuck off to Gold Coast?’”

Ashton looked up to meet Luke’s eyes, distantly ashamed. “Now you know. Ran off to Gold Coast just like my dad. Thought if I met him, I’d ask him why he fucked off there, too.”

Luke didn’t know what to say. Ashton was looking at him with the guilt in his eyes - as if he hated himself for doing it. A millisecond later, Ashton glanced away and blinked the emotion away. Luke felt like he needed to say something, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. “Did you see him there?”

Ashton blinked back to Luke. 

“No. I didn’t.” 

Ashton, Ashton, Ashton, Luke’s mind sang. He wished he could take away Ashton’s worries and shut them away in the car with his dead and comatose family. He wished he could have been there when Ashton was thirteen and hurting. He wished he had found Ashton in Gold Coast and distracted him from finding his shitty father and convinced him that this battle wasn’t worth fighting.

“I’m sorry about your dad,” Luke found himself saying. “And I’m- well, I’m not glad you went to Gold Coast to find him, to be honest, but-” Ashton laughed weakly- “but! I’m glad you, uh, left when you did.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because you got on my train, and now we’re friends. And, well, otherwise I wouldn’t have anywhere to go.”

Ashton smiled at the floor. “I’m sure there’d be some other friendly stranger on a different train who’d take you in instead.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Ashton.”

“I’m not kidding,” Ashton protested, his grin betraying him. “Maybe an old guy would give you his house to live out of because he pities you. Maybe some girl would come up and you’d run away with her, and then make tons of babies in Alice Springs-”

“Ashton!”

Ashton was laughing now. “What?”

“I’m glad I met you, idiot!” Luke picked up one of Ashton’s hands and held it between his own, insistently, making his point. Ashton quieted rapidly. “I. Wouldn’t. Trade. You. For. A. Girl. In. Alice Springs,” he said, shaking Ashton’s hand with each word. “Wouldn’t trade you for any girl, in fact.”

He felt his face heat up, inconveniently. Why’d he say that? Why, why, why? He despaired over this for a split-second, and then Ashton lifted Luke’s hand to his mouth and kissed the back lightly.

Neurons in Luke’s brain fired at light speed. Ashton’s lips were warm and a bit dry against his hand, and Luke could have sworn his entire face was pink.

“Glad to know I’m your Prince Charming,” Ashton quipped. “M’lady?”

Luke cracked up. He took his hand back. “Oh my god, Ashton.” Ashton’s grin dissolved and then they were both laughing, unworried about drawing the gaze of potentially annoyed passengers around them.

  
  


TWELVE

Evening came quickly, and Luke and Ashton were left to their own devices, both bored and a strange combination of tired and buzzed. Luke was definitely getting taller - his legs were cramping familiarly. Ashton was sitting close to Luke, farther from the aisle than usual. Luke didn’t mind. He found comfort in the warmth radiating off Ashton. He was endlessly grateful for him, in a million different ways. 

He was still trying not to think about earlier. It was completely normal to clam up and blush when a friend kissed your hand… was it? Luke was so tired of his own mind. It would never let him stop and catch his breath. First it was the trauma and horror in the hospital that started infecting his dreams, and then it stayed with him for longer than he could deal with, and now when he’d finally got a good enough distraction - Ashton - his brain would circle back on it and give Luke another thing to worry about. Maybe this was why people turned to drugs, Luke thought glumly. There was so much in his head. Pain, loss, anger, hurt, guilt, mixed with a share of peace and joy from Ashton, and now confusion. How the hell was he supposed to cope?

“You tired?” Ashton was leaning his head back against his seat, looking appraisingly at Luke. Luke raised his eyebrows a bit too, then shook his head.

“Yeah, me neither. Wanna walk around, or something?”

“Where?” Luke asked. There wasn’t anywhere to go on a train full of half-asleep passengers, all of whom might not appreciate two teenage boys disrupting them.

“I don’t know. Come with me anyways,” Ashton said. He stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder, then he held his hand out.

Luke eyed it with a bit of surprise, and then took it before Ashton could rethink his actions. “Okay.”

They kept holding hands as Ashton led them quietly through the train. Luke wasn’t complaining, that was for sure, but he didn’t know what to think. They passed a lot of sleeping people, and a lot of people staring into bright phone or computer screens. Most of the cars were quiet, but every now and then there was a group or a couple who were talking or whispering among themselves - nobody paid much heed to him and Ashton, which Luke was grateful for.

“Okay,” Ashton said, finally, when they were maybe eight cars up. It was a very quiet compartment, empty most notably on the side across from where they had been sitting before. Ashton pulled Luke over to the windows.

The stars were clear and visible in the night sky. It was weirdly calming, especially in the dimness of the train cabin. Ashton took out his phone, tucking it into his side when the brightness was too high, and booted up a stargazing app.

“See? Orion.” Ashton whispered. He leaned towards Luke and held up his phone, which Luke assumed was tracking their angle to the sky, because it matched up with the three stars outside. Ashton motioned that he wanted Luke to take his phone. “Here.”

They spent the next minutes peering into the dark sky, occasionally pointing out a star, or most memorably, a normal-looking dot that turned out to be Jupiter. Luke had an urge to get off the train and sit in the desert. It would probably be cold, and it would definitely be pitch-dark, but the sky would be so much brighter in comparison. And the lights and rumble from the train from afar would sound so pretty.

Luke and Ashton ended up in a booth-type seat, surprisingly vacant. Luke was closest to the window. He felt himself starting to doze.

“I’m tired now,” Luke said softly.

“Me too.”

“I don’t wanna walk back. Let’s just sleep here.”  
  
“Okay.”

Luke didn’t know if he was actually really tired or the bone-deep calm that had infiltrated his body was controlling his mind. He felt like he did after he was forced to do mindfulness exercises in elementary school. Maybe Ashton’s presence this late at night was intoxicating, he thought. The boy was the only thing that felt right to him.

Luke put his head on Ashton’s shoulder and let his eyes slip shut. He felt the train rattle beneath him, and had to expend more energy that he wanted to holding his neck up. “Ashton?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you mind?”

“Huh?” Luke shuffled a tiny bit away from him, then lay down on his side, curled up against the back of the seatrest. He put his head on Ashton’s leg to use as a pillow. He felt more comfortable than he had for a long time, sleeping on this train with nothing to put his head on.

“Is this okay?” Luke asked again, in a whisper. 

Ashton’s small “yeah” was the last thing he heard that night. The last thing he felt was Ashton’s hand brushing the hair away from his closed eyes.

* * *

Luke woke up slowly. The sun hadn’t yet risen, but the sky was brightening. He gradually became aware of his breathing, then the pulse in his neck, then his hands, his legs on the booth in the train, his face. Ashton, warm under his cheek. He’d fallen asleep with his head on Ashton’s lap. A hand was in his hair, and Luke made sure to keep his eyes closed, hoping to prolong the moment.

Ashton moved his hand slowly, as if he didn’t want to wake Luke. He drew tiny circles behind Luke’s ear. Luke immersed himself in the quiet of his barely-awake mind, the security Ashton offered, and the peace he felt lying there. Everything was so perfect, he thought dimly. Everything’s gonna be perfect. He was safe. He was with Ashton.

Nothing good ever lasts, and Luke could not doze forever. He opened his eyes suddenly, needing to blink the sleep out of them. He felt Ashton’s hand freeze.

“You’re awake.”

Luke hummed contentedly in reply.

“Uh, for how long?”

Luke made a very small shrug motion. He heard Ashton sigh resignedly.

With his consciousness came memories, and Luke was bombarded once again with the cold seep of grief. He sat up against the seat and winced as his back shifted into place. He would get off the train today, he reminded himself. He’d get off the train this afternoon. Him and Ashton would be in Perth.

“Fuck!” Luke exclaimed, putting a hand over his face. He had sat up and gotten the rising sun directly in his eyes. He heard Ashton laughing at him and groaned tiredly in good humor.

  
  


THIRTEEN

Luke spent the rest of the morning fretting. He counted his money, asked Ashton about the flat, asked Ashton about Michael and Calum, asked Ashton about Perth - eventually Ashton stopped him, saying, “Don’t worry, you’re gonna see it all soon.”

While it was easier said than done, Luke tried not to worry. He found himself recalling his old house in Brisbane. It had been two floors, and he shared a room with his brother on the top floor, across and down the hall from his parents’ room. The ceiling was slanted above Luke’s bed. If he sunk into the memories, he could feel the carpet under his feet, smell the paint drying on the door under the stairs that his dad kept repainting, hear the call of his mom’s voice telling him dinner was on. 

To distract himself from his past, Luke tried to focus on something else. Of course, Ashton was the only distraction that had succeeded over the past few days. It left Luke with little else to think about.

Ashton was… Luke didn’t know exactly what to think. Ashton was his best friend - at this point, he felt like the only friend Luke had, despite knowing quite a few people back in Brisbane. Luke had gotten lost in the mists of grief and hurt; to be honest with himself, he still felt lost in it sometimes. Ashton, who’d sat next to him, had guided him out. 

Luke didn’t want to wax poetic about Ashton for longer than he needed to, but the fact remained that Luke really, really appreciated him. They shared affection between slices of painful life, talking for hours about anything and everything. Ashton was the kiss on his hand to the blood and dirt under Luke’s fingernails. Ashton was an angel running from an untamed past in pursuit of a figure in the smoke, and he’d found Luke on the way back home.

So much for not waxing poetic.

Luke eyed Ashton out of the corner of his eye and smiled involuntarily. Ashton was air-drumming along to something playing in his earbuds. 

Luke caught himself admiring Ashton’s profile. His eyes caught on the boy’s jawline and traced it up into his hair. Luke wanted to get closer to him. He wanted to smell the sunlight again and feel the safety in Ashton’s embrace. His stomach did an inexplicable twist, and it was then when he understood.

Oh, no.

Luke looked away and stared determinedly at the floor instead. Don’t do it, he warned himself. Oh god, don’t do it. Luke stood up and muttered something about needing to go to the bathroom. He almost jogged there.

Things were happening too quickly. Luke glared at himself in the mirror, oblivious of the strange look a guy who was washing his hands shot him before leaving. Ashton was a friend, that was all. A really good friend. Luke could not afford to royally fuck this up, especially when he was on the way to-

Luke put his hands on his face and pressed his fingers into his temples. Oh, fuck, he was on his way to Ashton’s flat, where he’d live with him and his roomates in Perth. Fuck, fuck, fuck, went the mantra in his head. Luke went into the nearest stall, locked it, and shut his eyes, forehead against the door. He breathed slowly. In, out. Breathe, breathe… It’s going to be okay.

A minute later, Luke was calmer. This didn’t change anything, really. He still had a future in Perth and he had a place to stay, which remained a miracle. A crush would pass, Luke thought to himself easily. It was nothing but a passing crush. And he probably should have expected it, too, because Ashton was older and cooler and an incredible person. And Ashton was attractive. Which helped.

Feeling ridiculous, Luke chastised himself briefly. All he had to do was act like he always did. It wasn’t going to be that hard. Ashton was still his friend, after all.

Luke took a long, deep breath, and left the bathroom, an expression of easy confidence on his face.

“Look out there,” was the first thing Ashton said when Luke sat down. He pointed out the window excitedly, and Luke craned his neck to try and make out what Ashton was seeing in the scrubby desert.

Buildings and trees rose out of the rocky and dusty earth. It wasn’t much to look at - just a bit of suburbia in western Australia - but Luke’s heart leaped at the sight. “Perth?”

Ashton nodded. “Dude, we’re almost there. Shit.” He put his head back against the headrest and let out a distressed laugh. “It’s been a whole year. Hope everyone still remembers me. A year.”

Luke let Ashton ramble a bit, enjoying the view outside. He guessed they were still about an hour out from the station, so he didn’t start packing prematurely. Luke was happy to see Ashton excited. He pointedly did not think about Ashton any more than he could handle, but the warmth in his chest that bloomed at Ashton’s smile could not be regulated.

“Luke?”

“Hm?” He’d been staring off into the sky. “Yeah?”

Ashton cleared his throat, and Luke looked to him. Ashton appeared a little self-conscious, and he tilted his head a bit awkwardly, which Luke tried very hard not to focus on too much. “Thanks,” Ashton said. “For coming all this way with me.”

Luke shook his head in response. “No, Ash, I-” he stopped himself once he realized he’d shortened Ashton’s name. “Uh, can I call you that?”

A small smile had been creeping onto Ashton’s face. “Yeah.”

Luke wished Ashton had his sunglasses on his head. If his mouth was curved in that sweet of a smile, his eyes must have been lovely. He realized they’d just been looking at each other for the last few seconds, and cleared his throat. 

“I should be thanking you, really.” He finished.

The smile on Ashton’s face remained, even as Ashton disagreed. “Don’t act like I’m a generous god for being your friend, you fucker. I’m grateful for you, too.”

Luke’s heart buzzed at that, and he felt himself grin. “Bitch.”

“Dickhead.”

“That wasn’t even good!”

“Like you’d know.”

Luke punched Ashton’s shoulder with very little power behind his fist. Ashton elbowed him back, a small dig in the ribs that Luke took as an invitation - he acted on impulse and plucked Ashton’s sunglasses off his face, setting them on his own.

“Ooh, so fancy,” he commented. “Now I know why you wear these all the time.”

Ashton was laughing. “They look funny on you.”

Oh, and Luke could see his eyes, now. Bright and cheerful, and Luke had known they were hazel, of course, but they were just so alive, alive, alive, framed by dark lashes. He didn’t know if they’d always been like that or he’d only just noticed. And he’d been staring too long. Ashton snatched them off his face and set them on his own head, on top of his curly hair.

Then he reached over and ran his fingers lightly through Luke’s quiff to straighten it. His touch brought back the memory of early the same morning, when Luke had woken up to Ashton’s hand in his hair. It made Luke’s cheeks flush in a way he hoped wasn’t noticeable.

“There you go. Back to normal,” Ashton said. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The beach is nearby. A ten minute walk, I think. We should go down later.”
> 
> Luke didn’t know if Ashton meant with everyone or with just him. Both would be good, he decided. He really, really, had to get over this crush. It was hard, though. Especially when Ashton was standing so close to him with a sleeveless shirt, tanned and muscled arms showing, smelling like sunlight and looking like a daydream. Oh fucking boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To reiterate from chapter 1:  
> This work has no relation, significance, or connections whatsoever to the real world. This is purely a work of fiction and creative inspiration based around the personalities of real people. Characters in this work of fiction can be thought of as completely removed and independent of the people their names represent.
> 
> Here are the last 13 sections.
> 
> An epilogue might be coming in the next week or so.

FOURTEEN

The brakes started squealing a minute before they pulled up at the station. Ashton’s excitement was palpable, and Luke could feel his own version of the same emotion pour into his veins, shot through with nervousness. Finally, he thought. Perth.

It was beautiful, too. Not so much the industrial shine of metal and gritty, dust-coated concrete, but the sky and the sun and clouds above them. Luke stepped off the train and breathed in a lungful of vaguely smoky air, only slightly less stuffy than the air-conditioned air on the train, and smiled despite it. The sun was hot on the back of his neck.

“Ashton?”

An unfamiliar voice called from somewhere under the roofed area. Ashton and Luke turned at the same time to see a boy - Luke recognized him from the picture on Ashton’s phone, it was Calum - waving to get their attention.

“Calum!” Ashton shouted and started sprinting between the crowds of people. He looked over his shoulder, and said, “Come on, Luke!” There was an insanely happy grin on his face. Luke couldn’t help his own lips curve upwards, and he ran after Ashton.

Under the roofed area, next to a support pillar, Luke stood by while Ashton and Calum gripped each other in suffocating hugs. He wasn’t that envious, he assured himself. He’d gotten to hug Ashton twice in the last few days, which Luke figured was probably the best he could ask for.

“Missed you so much, man.” Calum was saying. “Can’t believe I had to live alone with Michael for what, like, five months? Fuck, Ash.”

Ashton laughed into Calum’s shoulder. “Missed you too. Where’s Michael, anyways?”

“He got bored of waiting so he went to get some chips. I think he’s-”

Calum was cut off by a shout. Michael, Luke assumed - the boy with red and purple hair that looked even more fucked-up but at the same time cool as hell in person - ran into Ashton, almost knocking him over.

“God, Mikey, mind not killing me? Just got here.” Ashton said, a little muffled. He hugged back, though, with equal strength. 

Calum caught Luke’s eye and lifted his chin in recognition. “Luke, right?”

Ashton tried to disentangle himself to introduce them properly, struggling over to stand beside Luke. Luke opened his mouth to reply to Calum, but Ashton started first. “Luke, this is Calum and Michael. They’re my best friends. And you guys, this is Luke.”

Calum and Michael looked between Luke and Ashton for a second like a pair of owls. It was faintly unsettling. “Nice to meet you, man,” Michael said, sticking his hand out to shake, which Luke took, relieved at his acceptance.

“You too.”

He exchanged the same type of polite greeting with Calum. Michael popped open the chip bag and started eating. 

“Can we go now?” Ashton said. “Who’s driving?”

“Calum is.” Michael raised his eyebrows innocently.

Calum eyed him and sighed. “Yeah. Calum is.”

In the parking lot, past the gates, the four boys stopped at an old silver Honda Civic. Ashton wolf-whistled when he saw it. Luke thought the car was a little undeserving of his appreciation.

“Finally I see it in person. Fuckin’ sick.” Ashton said. “You should get a paint job or something, though. Pink stripes.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “It’s a shit car, Ash. But good idea.” He got in shotgun, leaving Ashton and Luke to get in the back.

“This is Michael’s car,” Ashton filled in for Luke once they were all seated and Calum had started navigating the lot. “He got it, what, a couple months ago? When he got his license, I think.”

“Still sucks at driving, though.” Calum added. Michael rolled down the window in response, buffeting everyone in the car with wind as they got on the main road. Ashton snickered.

Luke was busy trying to calm a creeping panic and dread that came from being in a car again. He hadn’t forgotten what it was like to wake up in his family’s SUV to the sound of sirens. The fact that this car was a different build helped a bit, but it was going to take more to distract him from the crash, and from hoping Calum was a decent driver.

The distraction came soon after. Calum caught Luke’s eye in the rearview after a moment or two of silence, and asked, “So, Luke, where’re you from?”

“Brisbane,” Luke replied.

“What brings you out here to sunny Perth?”

Ashton cut in with, “Come on, this isn’t an interrogation, Cal.”

Calum eyed Ashton severely in the rearview. “But I don’t know anything about him! Luke, tell me about yourself.”

“Welcome to kindergarten,” Michael murmured, barely audible. Calum ignored him.

Ashton was shooting Luke looks that were a shade concerned, but Luke fell into easy conversation without much trouble. “I play guitar, and-”

Michael cut him off with an exclamation, and he, Ashton, Luke, and Calum talked about music for a while. Luke found it was surprisingly painless to talk to them - he had been afraid of having to spend his time in a flat with boys he didn’t click with, but it didn’t look like that would be a problem. They made easy banter for the rest of the twenty-ish minute car ride. Luke found out that Calum played football, and he discovered Michael shared his own passion for first-person shooter video games, and Luke was laughing along with them by the time they parked on the side of the road, Sum 41’s  _ Fat Lip _ playing from the radio. 

“We’re home,” Calum said, turning the car off. 

Luke got out and took in his surroundings. It was a very pretty neighbourhood, all the houses sturdily built with modern touches, and while the pavement was old and cracked, it was somehow charming. The house, a bit off the road, was a bit older, and he recognized the wildly clashing colours of paint. It was a two-storey house with a basement that was visible a meter or so out of the ground. 

On the other side of the car, Ashton had his elbows set on the top. He gazed at the house with a contented familiarity. To Luke, he said, “The top two floors belong to the old couple we’re renting from. We have the whole basement, which is not that bad. Looks better from the inside.”

As if Luke was worried about how visually pleasing his lodgings would be.

“This is amazing,” he breathed. He caught a glimpse of a car in a garage down the driveway, and figured the landlords were home. The driveway was gated off, which explained why Calum hadn’t parked in it.

The boys traipsed across the dry grass, leaves and dead plant matter crunching under their feet. Calum and Michael led them to a set of steps along the shady side of the house. There was a door at the bottom.

“You guys better not have touched my stuff,” Ashton warned as Calum unlocked the door. There wasn’t time to respond as he leaped down the stairs two at a time, bursting through the door to Calum’s laughter.

  
  


FIFTEEN

Luke followed at a bit of a distance, feeling like an intruder in the flat. It was nice, he concluded after a very short inspection. There was a tiny kitchen to the right of the door, which opened up into a bigger room with a couch and a flatscreen TV. A hallway branched off to the right. Luke assumed bedrooms were that way, because Ashton went down it, Calum hot on his heels. Michael spent a bit longer taking his shoes off and then went to the kitchen.

“I’ll put it back!” Luke heard Calum say from down the hall, in response to something Ashton said.

“So, how’d you like it?” Michael asked.

“Oh, it’s awesome,” Luke said, truthfully. “I don’t know if Ashton told you, but I have basically no money to get a place by myself. I- um, I can pay a bit of rent, of course, but just, thank you. And all that.”

Luke trailed off, a little awkwardly. 

“You want a coke?”

“Sure.” Luke went into the kitchen and accepted the can. “Thanks.”

Luke and Michael drank in silence for a minute, then Michael put his down. “You’re welcome. For the flat. Ashton seems to like you a lot, so me n’ Cal don’t mind sharing. Not gonna lie, you seem pretty cool, too. You like FIFA?” He pointed to the flatscreen.

Luke stared at him a second. “Uh, yeah, I like FIFA. Who doesn’t?”

Michael let out a whoop of excitement just as Calum and Ashton appeared again. “Cal, did you hear that? He likes FIFA!”

“No way, dude! Ashton, man, you’ve been replaced.”

Ashton raised his eyebrows. “But does he know how to cook?”

They all looked at Luke expectantly. Luke grimaced in response. No, he couldn’t cook - he was pretty hopeless at even following a recipe. “Toast?” He said weakly.

The rest of them laughed. “Well, you can’t have it all,” Ashton joked. Michael and Calum went to sit on the couch, gesturing for Luke to follow them. “Fuckin’ gamers,” Ashton said, shaking his head. Luke didn’t follow right away and gave Calum a one-second signal with his index finger.

There was a bit of silence in the kitchen, while Calum and Michael booted up the Xbox and argued with each other, and Luke moved to stand closer to Ashton. He leaned against the counter and relaxed minutely.

“You good?” Ashton asked quietly. He sidled a bit over so he was leaning on the counter right beside Luke, close enough their arms touched. Luke felt his heart rate pick up a little and took slower breaths. 

“Yeah,” he said. The security Luke felt around Ashton had not faded, so he was stuck in an in-between of feeling safe and nervous this close to the other boy. “I’m, uh. They’re really nice, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ashton huffed a laugh. “How do you like the flat?”

“Honestly, Ash? It’s great. I love it and I haven’t even seen it all.” 

“Oh, you don’t want to see all of it, trust me. Michael’s room is a mess.”

Luke eyed Ashton, eyed his perfect curls falling on his forehead, and that small smile on his lips. This close to him, he could make out the grey flecks in Ashton’s hazel eyes and smell the sunlight on his skin. Luke was struck by a wave of affection and hoped it wasn’t written obviously across his face. “Can I see your room, though?” He asked.

Ashton looked towards the couch, at Michael and Calum, as if checking to see they were behaving, then back at Luke. “Yeah. Let’s go.” He nudged into Luke’s side playfully before leading the way down the hall.

It was the second door on the right. The first was a closet, which Luke could see because the door was ajar. There had been a leather jacket sleeve on the floor holding it open.

“So, this is me and Cal’s room.” Ashton stepped back to let Luke in first. There was a window on the far wall, up near the ceiling, propped open to allow a breeze in. Two single beds, arranged on opposite sides of the room, reminded Luke of him and his brother’s room in Brisbane, but not so much as to make it painful - just a bit familiar. Based on the posters and the state of the floor, Luke assumed Calum’s bed was the one on the right - he had a poster with The Used on it, and one that could have been either Circa Survive or Saosin, along with various football ones. There were clothes on the floor and a few notebooks. 

Ashton stepped around Luke and fixed up his side of the room slightly. He had some posters, too, but most of it was empty. There was a dresser where Luke assumed he put everything before he had left, about a year ago.

“I don’t have much right now,” Ashton said, “but I used to have an electronic drum set. Calum dumped it in the closet while I was gone, so I’ll have it put together again soon, hopefully. I’ve been wanting to play for  _ ages _ .”

Luke nodded, empathizing with him. “Yeah, I know the feeling. I wish I brought my guitar.”

“Michael’d probably let you borrow his,” Ashton suggested.

Luke filed that away to ask Michael later. He went to the window and peered out onto the dry lawn outside the house. The day was still beautiful.

“We have a spare mattress somewhere too, so you can sleep on that wherever. I mean, or the couch, but who knows what’s between the seats.”

“Sounds good,” Luke said. He turned and Ashton was pretty close to him, looking out the window as well.

“Do you smell the ocean?” Ashton asked, in a near whisper.

“Uh.” He paused and breathed deeper. There was a hint of saltwater, but all he focused on was Ashton’s nearness. Sunlight, he thought absently. “Yeah, I think.”

“The beach is nearby. A ten minute walk, I think. We should go down later.”

Luke didn’t know if Ashton meant with everyone or with just him. Both would be good, he decided. He really, really, had to get over this crush. It was hard, though. Especially when Ashton was standing so close to him with a sleeveless shirt, tanned and muscled arms showing, smelling like sunlight and looking like a daydream. Oh fucking boy.

“Do you think you’ll be okay here with us?”

The fact Ashton cared so much about Luke and how he felt was endlessly attractive. And really amazing, because they hadn’t been friends long. “Yeah, I think I will. You okay with me staying?”   
  


Ashton smiled. “Luke, of course, how many times do I have to say it?”

Luke was seized with overwhelming fondness for Ashton. He almost reached out to embrace the other boy, but stopped himself in time. He settled for nodding.

In his mind, Luke was alternating between hitting his head against the wall and congratulating himself on his self-control. He was saved from having to stand next to Ashton in silence by Michael, shouting from the couch, beckoning Luke to join him and Calum for FIFA.

  
  


SIXTEEN

Afternoon came and went, and Luke was on the couch, frantically hitting a combination of the kick and sprint buttons. Michael was yelling. Calum had moved to the floor to get closer to the screen. 

Ashton was in his and Calum’s bedroom, as far as Luke knew, unpacking his backpack and reorganizing some of his stuff. The fast-paced video games managed to take Luke’s mind off Ashton for the time being.

“Fuck you, dude,” Michael said, incredulous. He kicked Luke’s leg. “How did you guys just win? Actually, Calum didn’t do anything. Luke, how did  _ you _ win?”

“I’m very talented,” Luke offered. He didn’t mention that he was lucky he got this position, because he was actual shit at any position that wasn’t midfield. The game rolled right into the next, and he managed to keep right wing, despite Calum announcing he was going to fight Luke to get him to switch to defense or something.

Luke tried for an assist, but Michael took the ball, whooping loudly. Luke and Calum both exclaimed in dismay. Eventually they turned it over again and scored.

About to take a penalty shot, Luke mentally prepared for the kick. Then he heard Ashton come into the living room and hesitated on the button, momentarily distracted. He shot it anyways, just as Ashton sat down beside him on the armrest of the couch.

“Shit!” Luke said when the ball hit the post. 

“Luke! You always get that one!” Calum said, exasperated, at the TV. He turned around. “Oh! Hi, Ash.”

“Hi, Cal. You guys want to make dinner or... actually-” Ashton furrowed his brow- “is there even anything in the fridge? When’s the last time someone went shopping?”

Michael laughed a little darkly. Then he swore when he missed a shot. “Um, we should probably just order something.”

Ashton gave him a condescending look over Luke’s head. “What, pizza?”

Calum groaned. “Not again.”

“Yeah, pizza!” Michael paused the game and put his remote down. “Luke, you’re with me on this, right?”

“I don’t care,” Luke said, shrugging. Then he reconsidered - he was very hungry, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had pizza. “Actually, yeah. Sorry, Calum.”

“You’re all going to die before thirty,” Ashton said primly. “Now get off the Xbox. Lest you die before twenty, too.”

* * *

They ended up with pizza and ate it on the steps outside the basement door, because Calum was complaining that it was too hot inside. Luke had agreed. He sat near the top, back against the wall of the house, watching the neighbourhood from ground-level. Ashton was sitting one step down, but sitting so he was facing the other two boys farther down the steps. While they chatted and caught up, Luke zoned out and stared at the sky.

Perth was better than he could have imagined. He felt a sense of belonging - here on these steps, watching the pale blue of the sky dimming to a deep indigo, the sun casting yellow-gold light across the clouds and orange-pink highlights under them. Listening to three boys catch up after months apart. Breathing in the smell of trees and paint and saltwater, a breeze ruffling his hair. Alive, alive, alive. The dullness had been whittled off his consciousness and he could feel everything, anything, and he was so glad he’d gotten on the train. He was so glad he’d met Ashton. 

Perth, sunlight, and Ashton. Luke felt at home.

He turned his gaze to Ashton, talking animatedly with Calum and Michael. Luke watched the curve of his back, how it straightened a little when he laughed. It was a good laugh, Luke thought wistfully. It could turn from pretty and high to a harsh cackle in a split-second. He loved it. Luke tried not to look at Ashton’s face, but the only other places to focus on were his arms and his hands, which he also felt a little creepy staring at. 

Ashton glanced over, as if sensing Luke watching him. Luke acted casual, like he hadn’t been staring for the last few minutes nonstop, and hoped his face didn’t go pink.

Of course, it went pink anyways, because Ashton shuffled down a step so he could lean back and rest his head against Luke’s legs. 

A few moments later, Michael stood up and stretched. “It’s eight o’clock, about. What do y’all wanna do?”

Ashton swiveled his head to face Luke, cheek against the knee of Luke’s jeans. “Luke, wanna go see the ocean?”

They all waited for his response. “Yeah, sure,” Luke said easily. To be honest, anything Ashton asked while his head was resting somewhere on Luke’s body was bound to get accepted. Luke reprimanded himself for that thought. It would do him no good.

The boys went inside to get their shoes and sunglasses, and Luke followed them down the street towards the cobbled path that took them to the beach.

“Lovely fuckin’ view,” Michael commented, for the second time, when they had reached the sand. 

“Fuckin’ right,” Calum said, in a vaguely mocking tone of voice.

It was a beautiful view. The sun was setting - albeit, through several layers of clouds - and was casting a golden glow across the sky and the sea. The beach was mostly empty, save for a few people dotted here and there, some walking near the tide line and some on blankets higher up. Luke had been expecting far more. It was a quiet neighbourhood, he supposed, and the beach was a little closed off in comparison to the endless stretch of sand he encountered in Adelaide. They were too far north to join up with Perth’s main beach.

Calum and Michael started to drag Ashton towards the rocks breaking up the surf, but Ashton waved them off and made a subtle point to Luke that Luke pretended he didn’t see. He felt kind of bad, because this was Ashton’s first night with his friends since months ago and here he was, the stranger, taking up everyone’s time. 

When Ashton gave him a sweet smile, though, he forgot about all that.

“Wanna go down with them? Or do you want to walk down there a bit?” Ashton asked him. He gestured to the tide line farther down the beach.

Even though Luke wanted to be easy and polite, he also knew that Ashton was asking him. That Ashton had put aside dragging him along with Calum and Michael to inquire about what Luke wanted to do. So he told him, if only out of respect for Ashton’s troubles.

“Let’s walk a bit, if that’s cool,” Luke said.

“Hell yeah it is. Come on.” 

  
  


SEVENTEEN

They walked together to the sand that was hard enough to support them, but still left sunken prints behind. Luke watched birds wheel overhead in the distance, their cries echoing down the beach, and watched the waves crash into the shoreline, getting bigger the farther down the beach they got. The sound reminded him of the coast on the other side of the continent, and he struggled for a bit to wrap his head around the thought. So little time had passed, objectively, since everything had happened in Brisbane. The week in the hospital was an ugly blur. The four-ish days on the train had turned Luke into a different person. 

He felt like a painting - to cover up the grisly stains he’d ended up burying the childish parts of himself, too, replacing it with… well, with Ashton. With his hair up and off his face. With a black lip ring. With Perth, if he was being honest. He’d taken Brisbane and everything he’d left there and recoloured it.

The surf got more violent the farther they walked and the dimmer the sky became. They approached a castle of rocks and Ashton started climbing it, so Luke followed. They didn’t get to the top. Ashton stopped and ducked into an alcove - it was slightly roofed, but other than that, nothing more than a meter-wide stone shelf, about 4 meters above the water. 

Luke and Ashton sat down beside each other, wordlessly. The view to the ocean was still intact, and Luke listened to the waves crash. He felt the cold air whisper around him and shifted a little closer to the other boy.

“This is my favourite spot.”

Luke looked over to Ashton, who was examining his hands self-consciously. Ashton continued unprompted. “I was kinda worried that it would be trashed, since it’s been so long. I guess there’s not much you can mess up when it comes to rocks, though.”

He gave the stone shelf beside him a small pat, then met Luke’s eyes with a small smile before looking back to the sunset.

“How is it, being back?” Luke found himself asking. 

Ashton sighed and leaned back on his hands. “It’s weird, I guess. I mean, I don’t know how to describe it. I can try, if you wanna listen.” There it was again. That small, vulnerable smile. Like Ashton had peeled back the easy confidence he carried himself with and was hesitant about showing it. 

“I do,” Luke said. Then he bumped his shoulder against Ashton’s, trying to break the sudden tension. “Of course, dude. Come on.”

Ashton started slowly. “It’s like… I know what everything is, still. I know where it all is. I can tell you there’s a pretty little cafe on Babylon, and that they serve cinnamon coffee on Mondays, and it’s a twenty-minute walk from the flat, but I can’t tell you how they’ll greet me when I walk in. I’m just out of touch, I guess. I don’t know who the baristas are going to be, and they won’t know my order.”

He made a motion with his hand like something turning into dust. “It’s a reminder that nothing’s permanent, really. I leave for long enough and the world keeps on turning. I don’t know, I guess that’s obvious-” he laughed, a bit bleak- “but I didn’t consider it until I got back. And I saw Cal and Mike. And they’re such good friends now, and they always were, but I’m starting to think they don’t need me at all anymore. I’m just the guy who invited them to stay in my flat. I’m just some guy who went on a pointless year-long trip.”

Before Luke could start, Ashton cut in again. “To clarify… I don’t- I don’t mean that I think they hate me or something. They’re still my best friends. I just hope they don’t secretly think it was better when I was gone, when they could just ignore my texts if they didn’t want to talk.”

He fell silent and stared moodily into the shadowy sky.

“Ashton?”

“Yeah?”   
  


“I can’t guarantee anything, okay, but.” He stopped, abrupt. Luke wasn’t fantastic at giving advice or sharing words of encouragement but damned if he wasn’t going to try. “Ashton, you’re… they’re happy to have you back. You saw how happy Calum was at the train station, right?”

“Yeah, I know that,” Ashton allowed. “I know my friends care, and all that. I-” he broke off, seemingly frustrated. “Everything’s so different now, though.”

Luke didn’t know exactly what Ashton meant by that, because it seemed separate from the ‘everything’s different because I left for a long time’ thing, but he didn’t press. “Okay, well speaking from experience, you’re a great friend. Always fun to hang out with. That’s a fact.”

“Really?” Ashton said, a bit jokingly.

“Yeah. Never a dull moment.”

“Glad I’m entertaining.” Ashton had laughter in his voice but spoke dryly. Luke sought for something else to tell him, and landed on nothing platonic enough to give up. Oh, well, he thought.

“I’m happier when I’m around you,” Luke stated. He had toned it away from sounding downright romantic, but he still winced after saying it. This wasn’t what you told your male friends - you were supposed to clap them on the back and make fun of them until you established banter again, not share heartfelt confessions about how fond you are of each other.

Ashton had gone quiet, though, and Luke nervously searched out of the corner of his eye for Ashton’s expression. Ashton was - well, he was trying not to smile, which was obvious to Luke, but he was also looking at Luke with something unreadable. A kind of sweetness that Luke had to glance away from lest he start to look at Ashton’s lips or do something equally embarrassing.

“What?” Luke said, a bit cross. He was expecting Ashton to make some sort of joke, to brush it off, but he hadn’t yet.

“You’re really sweet, Luke.”

Luke felt his entire face heat up in a blush he was powerless to hide. He cleared his throat. “Uh, thanks?” He tried not to look at Ashton’s sly smile. Fuck me, Luke thought violently. No. Shit. Fuck this situation, because his heart had surged warmth through his body and Luke was not equipped to handle the jitters he got because of it. Then again… telling someone they were sweet was kind of a friendzone move, wasn’t it? Luke was sure a girl had told him something similar when he was in eighth grade and crushing on her. Fuck, he thought. 

The crashing of the waves drew Luke’s attention, and he turned to focus on the sky, the very-nearly set sun, the dark water surging not far below them. The stars beginning to be visible. The smell of saltwater in the air.

The oncoming night felt dangerous, but Luke felt safe on the rock shelf next to Ashton. The cold air must have been getting to Ashton, too, because Ashton leaned into Luke’s side a bit. Luke turned his head and found Ashton’s hair against his face - soft, and it smelled good, and Luke would be lying if he said he hadn’t breathed a little deeper in effort to inhale the scent. 

Ashton’s heat was intoxicating. Every place they touched was a burning fire, so at odds with the chill of the night’s wind. Luke could feel his self-control waning.

Which explained why, when Ashton wrapped an arm around his waist and tucked his head against Luke’s shoulder, he let it happen. It explained why he nudged Ashton’s forehead with his own until they were eye-to-eye, feeling the crash of the waves dimly in his ears as if from a great distance. How he looked recklessly into Ashton’s vulnerable, open hazel eyes and thought,  _ what I wouldn’t give to kiss you right now _ .

And how he leaned forward. How he waited for Ashton’s eyes to slip closed before he did the same. How Luke wound up pressing his lips against Ashton’s mouth, careful and slow, and raised his hand to cup Ashton’s jaw, ghosting his fingers across Ashton’s skin.

His heart nearly stopped when Ashton started kissing him back. 

Luke didn’t know how much time passed - maybe a few seconds? And then Ashton was pushing Luke away. Gently. Luke’s head spun with the loss of contact. His head spun for a few different reasons, too, but that was the one he was focused on the most.

They were sitting side by side again, and Ashton wouldn’t meet Luke’s eye. He had his head down and was looking at the sea, or the rocks, maybe, and his hair was obscuring most of his face, and Luke’s mind was staggering like a drunkard about to collapse.

The only thing Luke could think to say was the thing he said. “I’m sorry.”

Ashton peered off into the dark, and cleared his throat as if he was going to say something. He didn’t. 

A couple minutes passed, maybe, and Ashton stood up. He yawned, as if they had just had a good talk about the weather, and said, “We should probably be heading back now. Soon it’ll be too dark to see the way down.”

Well, if Ashton was going to pretend it hadn’t happened, Luke could too.

He followed Ashton down the rock path on their stone castle and walked beside him on the beach.

  
  


EIGHTEEN

Luke was burning with a kind of regret and hurt he hadn’t felt in a long, long time, or maybe ever. This lasted for almost a minute before it turned into cold dismissal; a nonchalant shrugging off of the experience as a silly happenstance. Then it turned into rabid anxiety, a train of worry and erratic heartbeats, like someone had thrown a live animal into a churning machine and closed the lid.

God, being a teenager was exhausting.

They didn’t speak all that much walking back, and only then it was to comment on the time and wonder how Calum and Michael were doing. Luke was moody, and Ashton was acting normally, and it made Luke want to turn and shake him and say, what was that? Who were they, to each other, now? 

Why’d Ashton kiss him back only to push him away a second later? Actually, Luke thought, mind narrowing to a point,  _ Ashton kissed me _ . Oh fucking boy. And he pushed Luke away afterwards. 

“Ash-”

“Hey, guys!” Calum shouted from higher on the beach, standing partly in a tidepool with Michael crouched nearby. Luke was sullenly disappointed that he’d been cut off, but relieved at not having to walk alone with Ashton anymore. He still ached to be close to the other boy, which made nothing better.

“Found a big-ass crab,” Michael announced. Ashton ran over to see, and Luke idled at the edge of the tidepool, unsure of where to go. Calum saved him by coming over and asking him if he’d ever seen Guns n’ Roses live in concert. Luke had not, but the conversation continued nonetheless.

Later, after the boys had walked back to the flat in the dark, using their phones as flashlights on the steps up to the road, Luke collapsed on the couch. The lights flickered on when Calum hit the lightswitch, one after the other. He was very tired and felt shitty, hopeful, and violently disappointed all at once, and all he wanted to do was fall asleep and wake up on a day when he could pretend none of tonight happened. It was exactly what Luke had been afraid of - he’d ruined his and Ashton’s friendship because he’d let his feelings get in the way, and now all he could do was try to forget, he supposed. Ashton seemed to be doing that fine.

“C’mon, Luke, it’s not even that late,” Michael said, nudging him with his foot from the other side of the couch. 

Calum, reheating a pizza slice in the microwave, added, “You snooze, you fuckin’ lose, my man.”

“What does that  _ mean _ ,” Luke groaned. Calum only laughed in response, and Michael joined in. “Fuck you both, I’m tired.” He put his hands over his face to hide a reluctant smile.

Ashton was downing a plastic cup full of water, and when he was done, he spoke. “You can sleep if you wanna. We just have to find that mattress.”

“It’s in Michael’s room,” Calum said. Michael scowled.

“Why would it be in-” Ashton started, then cut himself off. “Fuck, I don’t wanna know. I’ll go get it, then.”

When Ashton left, Luke debated going with him to help carry it, but decided against it. Calum came around the back of the couch, past Michael, and stood behind Luke. He bent down and whispered, loud enough that Michael could hear, “Michael had a girl over and-”

“Shut up!”

“Michael had a girl over and she didn’t wanna sleep in the same-”

“Calum, I will kill you right now, I swear to god-”

“Okay!” Calum straightened and laughed maniacally at the expression on Michael’s face. “It was funny! You guys woke me up arguing about it! She was all ‘I hope it’s not any trouble, Mikey, but my parents will  _ know _ if I sleep with a guy-’”

“I always get the weird ones,” Michael grumbled.

“Okay, found it,” Ashton said, coming out of the hallway. It was a single bed mattress, no sheets or anything, but in a flat run entirely by teenage boys, what was Luke to expect? He missed his mother - a kind of subconscious longing that pulled at his heart, stronger now he was reminded of it. Clean sheets, he thought despondently. How such an everyday thing could give him grief embittered him.

Luke got off the couch. “Thanks, Ashton.”

Ashton sent him a smile that seemed a bit hesitant. It was the first real eye contact they’d made since their kiss, and Luke felt his heart twinge. He smiled back, but looked away quickly.

Luke didn’t have any clothes to sleep in, really, so he just took a couch pillow to put his head on and accepted a blanket that was offered from a cupboard somewhere that probably hadn’t been used in ages, because it was scrappy and smelled like dust. Ah, well, Luke thought - there were worse fates than his. While Michael and Calum played Final Fantasy at Michael’s insistence, he went to their shared bathroom and brushed his teeth quickly.

Luke honestly didn’t know what the next steps were in his runaway scheme. Back in the hospital, those five days ago, when he’d made the split-second decision to take a train to the other side of the continent, he didn’t think ahead. His only goal was to get far away and stay away. He supposed mad grief could turn people to do incomprehensible things. 

Now, he supposed, he was going to have to get a job, and scrape enough money together to buy clothes and food. He had his thousand-odd dollars, which was enough to hold him for a month or so, but at some point he’d need income. And he needed to pay rent on this flat. Eventually, too, he wanted to buy a guitar, because even now his fingers curled into chords against his will, and he ached to play. Oh, and public transport - and laundry, and soap, and fucking  _ taxes _ , Luke could barely envision having to deal with paying for all that. He groaned internally.

Ashton was another matter. There wasn’t much Luke could plan for on that front. Despite wanting to be close to and kiss Ashton again, he vowed not to jeopardize their friendship, and prepared himself to settle for just that. He felt unhappy thinking about it. Ashton brought him so much joy and peace and even security, but above that, a sense of clarity in the real world. Luke didn’t know if that was healthy but he sure as hell didn’t know what to do about it. 

He caught himself staring into space and recalling the moment on the stone shelf on the beach and promptly left the bathroom to clear his head.

Calum was yawning, and Ashton was leaning against the counter on his phone. He looked up when Luke appeared and opened his mouth, about to comment on something - maybe wondering why Luke was going to bed with his normal clothes on - but stopped and instead turned to Calum and Michael on the couch. “You guys tired yet?”   
  


Calum yawned again in response, and Michael ignored him. Ashton gestured at the mattress in the corner and addressed Luke, using a softer tone that Luke attributed to the fact they were standing closer. “Are you gonna sleep here, do you think?”

“In the living room? Yeah, probably.” Luke didn’t care all that much, but nobody had offered their rooms up, so he supposed this was it.

A half hour later, Michael, Calum, and Ashton were also on the brink of sleep, and Luke curled up under his raggy blanket, holding his charging phone with one hand under the pillow, wishing to fall into an easy sleep. The mattress was lumpy in spots and his jeans made his legs itch a bit under the covers, but the fact he hadn’t slept in a bed for almost two weeks was reason enough for his body to switch off.

  
  


NINETEEN

Luke wasn’t immensely surprised when he woke up in the middle of the night. Or, more like early morning, because when he checked his phone it was about 2:30 AM. His first thought was that he was dying of thirst, and he rolled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen, mind still in a sleepy haze. He didn’t want to open the cupboards and dig around for a glass, so he just turned on the tap and drank from his hands like he was eight again.

Luke’s second thought wasn’t anything concrete. It was a cold dread and fear that spread through his body like an infection. Leaning on the counter, face in his hastily towel-dried palms, he realized he was afraid of the future.

Was it really only just hitting him that he was on his own?

_ Luke _ , he told himself gently,  _ your family’s been gone for two weeks _ .  _ Luke _ . The voice warped into his mother’s. He knew he was on his own. He knew, but in the back of his head he still hadn’t realized. Luke was sixteen, thousands of kilometers away from home, his father and brother dead and his mom pretty much dead too, and he took a long, raggedy breath that caught in his throat and made his eyes tear up, and he was crying.

Tilting his head back and breathing slowly, he made an effort to stay almost completely silent in fear of waking up the other boys. The sobs still managed to fight their way up his throat, however, and he struggled to keep his breathing in check.

“Luke?” 

Oh, fuck. Luke whirled around and saw Ashton, standing in the mouth of the hallway, one hand resting on the wall uncertainly. In the light of the lamp Luke had turned on in the living room, Luke could see he was wearing sweatpants and a grey t-shirt with  _ My Little Pony _ on the front. The ridiculousness of it failed to improve Luke’s mood, however, and he only felt grim dismay that Ashton had found Luke here, now.

In a desperate attempt to calm himself down, Luke sniffled and pressed his knuckles into his eyelids, pointedly looking away from Ashton. 

“Hey, Luke.” Ashton said again in a barely-there whisper. His eyes were wide and pinched with worry. Luke didn’t know how to respond, he didn’t know how to act, and his body was heavy with exhaustion. Ashton came closer. “Are you okay?”

Did he look okay? What kind of question was that? He rolled his eyes in response, not trusting himself to speak. 

Ashton glanced over at Luke’s mattress and then back at Luke. He sounded tentative when he said, “Do you wanna…” He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, back in the direction of his room down the hall. Luke realized what he meant. Instead of feeling weirded out or afraid, he felt a rush of familiar warmth and gratitude.

Yes, Luke would like to sleep in Ashton’s room tonight. 

He nodded and went to turn the lamp off before following Ashton down the hall. His mind was still doped on sleep, so he went without hesitation through the half-open door. Ashton made a ‘shh’ gesture, nodding his head towards Calum, asleep on the right side of the room, visible only in the moonlight and starlight slanting in through the window. He followed Ashton towards his bed, and only dimly realized when Ashton motioned with his hand that Ashton was expecting Luke to lie down next to him on the single bed.

Why not, Luke thought, fighting a hysterical giggle down. Why the fuck not. He wanted to, and Ashton was offering. He hoped subconsciously this wouldn’t make their situation any weirder than it already was. He lay down on his back and shuffled closer to the wall to make room for Ashton, who fell into bed a second later.

Ashton rolled onto his side, and Luke did the same, so they faced each other. Ashton rubbed at his eyes and grumbled, “We need to get you some pyjamas, man,” then let his eyelids slip shut.

Luke was still awake, though, and while he had not fully recovered from his panicked episode in the kitchen, he was calmer. He watched Ashton’s chest rise and fall and tried to match his breaths. He traced the curves of Ashton’s sleeping face with his eyes, a bubble of fondness rising in his chest, driving out the anxiety about his future. It would come back, for sure - nothing good could ever last, of course, and eventually he’d need to face it - but Ashton being here and close to him was enough. 

* * *

Sunlight filtering in through the window high on the wall was what woke Luke up the next morning. He was sprawled on his side, leg kicked over Ashton’s legs, face pressed into Ashton’s neck, arms around the other boy. He blinked blearily and tucked his face fast against Ashton’s collarbone, and Ashton shifted slightly, not quite waking up - Luke was suddenly aware of Ashton’s arm around his back, holding Luke close.

Oh, he thought distantly. Right. Ashton’s bed, where he’d fallen asleep last night, where he was now. 

Luke held still, drinking in the peace and security that came with Ashton’s proximity, trying not to disturb him into wakefulness yet. He breathed in Ashton’s familiar scent and tried to memorize all-encapsulating warmth.

Soon, however, Luke’s legs started to itch and he got the urge to brush his teeth and maybe eat something, so he decided to get up. It was a hard decision. Disentangling himself from Ashton proved harder than he’d expected, and with a harsh intake of breath, Ashton woke up.

“Morning,” Luke whispered, frozen, legs on his own side of the bed but still very much within Ashton’s embrace.

Ashton blinked to clear his eyes. He looked down at Luke, arms still around him, and - was it Luke’s imagination, or did his face go a little pink? Ashton met his gaze.

“Morning,” Ashton repeated, dazed.

“I’m gonna get up now,” Luke said, giving Ashton a content smile. Now that he didn’t have to worry about waking him up, Luke had no problem levering himself up and over Ashton on one arm. He left the room with a very short backwards glance, confirming that Ashton was still in bed facing the wall. Luke felt a bit elated that he’d woken up with the other boy, and especially relieved that they both didn’t seem to regret it.

Luke closed the door softly behind him and went into the bathroom. Before turning the lights on and locking the door, however, he caught a spoken phrase from the kitchen, where Michael and Calum were standing.

“Luke’s still with Ashton?” Luke paused, just out of sight, and listened. He would have felt worse about eavesdropping if they hadn’t been talking about him and Ashton.

“Yeah,” Calum’s voice responded. “I woke up and they were like, cuddling, or some shit. I don’t know when he came in.”

There was a pause, and the tap ran for a few seconds. Calum added, “it was kinda cute, not gonna lie.”

Michael laughed softly. “Well, I’m happy for Ash, I guess. Some kind of miracle to meet a guy like Luke on a train with nowhere to go.”

Calum’s next words were spoken so softly that Luke wasn’t sure if he’d heard them right. “Should I ask, you know, if they’re official?”

A moment or two passed in silence. Luke could imagine Michael considering. His heartbeat had picked up tremendously at Calum’s words, however, so he found it hard to concentrate. Official? Like, together?

“I don’t know,” Michael said finally. “Ash’d probably tell us if they were. Maybe it’s just kinda weird ‘cause they met only a few days ago.”

Yeah, Luke thought. It was weird for more than just that reason. It was weird because they kissed and weren’t talking about it, and because Luke was still desperately trying to forget about his past and Ashton was actually probably the only thing holding him together, now that he thought about it.

“Probably, yeah.”

There was a very long pause, and Luke gave up listening and locked the bathroom door, making a bit of a scuffling sound outside to give the illusion he’d just got out of bed. He dimly heard them discussing their plans for the day over the running water.

  
  


TWENTY

In the kitchen, only minutes later, Luke sat down with Calum and Michael and poured himself cereal. It was cheerios. He had no conflict with cheerios, but no particular love for them, either. When he’d sat down, Michael and Calum eyed him, then glanced at each other, and then away - Luke figured they probably wanted to ask about him and Ashton, but since he didn’t know what to say, he kept his mouth shut.

“Same shirt as yesterday?” Michael asked over his toast.

Luke looked down in surprise. He had been wearing the same shirt since he had a shower and changed on the beach in Adelaide. “Oh. Yeah.”

“You can probably borrow clothes from me or Calum if you don’t have any. Or Ashton,” Michael said kindly, adding Ashton on the end like an afterthought he wanted to study the effect of. Luke was a bit surprised at his consideration.

“Thank you. Um, I’m probably good for now, but yeah.” Luke didn’t quite feel at home enough to go around sharing clothes, but he appreciated the offer more than he let on. Michael let the subject drop and finished his breakfast, continuing his conversation with Calum.

“This is the last day I have a ten o’clock shift at Kosmic. Still can’t believe they make me work Saturdays. And eight hours a shift.” Michael lamented. “Next week it’s noon till seven, Monday to Thursday. Still. Seven whole hours a day.”

“But you like Kosmic,” Calum interrupted. “At least it’s better than, say, IGA.”

“Still work,” Michael said. 

“Where’d you work?” Luke directed his question at Calum. 

“Public pool and beach. Lifeguard.” Calum sipped what looked like coffee, wincing at the taste, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Lots of kids. Wouldn’t recommend it.”

Michael looked up. “We’ll see how long that lasts, once they figure out you have tattoos.”

“I told you, Mikey, the lifejacket hides them.”

“Yeah, yeah. Luke, you getting a job?” He narrowed his eyes at Luke. And, yeah, Luke understood - if he was staying here, then he was paying for it, too.

“Yeah, but I don’t know where yet.”

Michael considered. “Well, I can check if Kosmic’s hiring. That’s the music store I work at. They have guitars and shit.”

Luke nodded. That didn’t sound very bad - playing guitar was probably his only marketable skill at this stage, and as a highschool dropout, he was going to have little to no luck pretty much anywhere he applied, unless it was cashiering or something. “Cool, thank you. I can - I used to teach guitar, back at home, so I guess I can also put up ads for lessons.”

In hindsight, Luke realized he’d never told Michael and Calum anything about his past. It was very polite of them not to ask, but Luke started to wonder if Ashton had warned them away from asking. At some point, he was probably going to have to spill, but for now he wanted to hold onto what he had; they treated him like a normal person, now, and he didn’t want to give that up so soon after meeting them. He feared that if they started treating him like the broken boy that hid inside him that he’d start to act like it.

“Good morning, everyone,” Ashton said, coming into the kitchen. He had obviously just got out of bed - his hair was a wreck, but in the best way possible, and he was still in sweatpants and that stupid pony t-shirt. Luke’s mouth started curving into a smile that he hastily tried to turn into a pleasant look of friendly recognition instead of something a little too lovelorn.

“Hey,” Calum said. “It’s nine thirty. Good sleep?”   
  


Ashton’s eyes darted to meet Luke’s, then away. “Yeah. I missed being home.” He ran a hand through his hair and opened the fridge to grab the milk under the watchful eyes of Calum and Michael. “What do you guys have on today?”

“Mike’s got a shift at Kosmic in half an hour,” Calum announced, with a sidelong look at Michael. “And I have a football match. So, if you wanna come for the ride, you better get dressed fast.”

“It’s good with me if I’m not there on time,” Michael commented, pulling out his phone. “Let the man eat.”

“I swear you’re gonna lose your job literally any day now.” Ashton shook his head. “I don’t start for a few days, so I technically don’t need a ride. Actually,” He turned to Luke. “Wanna come with, too?”

Luke, with absolutely zero plans for the rest of his life ever, nodded. Spending time in a car with the boys would be fine. Spending time in a car with Ashton might give him a chance to talk to him, seriously, about their situation.

“Awesome. Out the door in ten, boys.”

* * *

Ashton ended up driving, with Luke and Michael in the back, Calum having called shotgun only moments after locking the door to their basement. Luke had not changed and was feeling pretty rough - he vowed to get some more clothes soon. Hopefully today. And, if possible, run his through the wash.

“If I crash the car it’s because I haven’t driven in months,” Ashton announced when they were pulling out from the curb. Michael responded with a groan and covered his face with his hands. 

“If you crash my car I’ll kill what’s left of you,” he said.

Luke averted his eyes to stare out the window. He didn’t like this talk at all. In the rearview, he saw Ashton realize this and wince - yeah, Luke’s family had been killed in a car crash. At least the bruises were almost gone now. He took a deep breath and settled his hands between his legs, trying to trust in the car. And in Ashton’s driving.

A few songs later, Ashton pulled up in a car park beside a massive football field. “Here’s your stop, Cal.”

“Thanks, man.” He leaned forward and slapped Ashton’s shoulder in appreciation, then flicked the side of Michael’s head and gave an easy smile to Luke. “See you guys later.”

Michael opened his window and shouted at Calum’s back. “Knock ‘em dead, big boy!”

Luke saw Calum laugh under his breath before he hopped the fence and started jogging down the sideline towards the benches.

“Onwards,” Ashton rendered in a deep, dramatic voice. He guided the Honda onto the street and towards a more urban collection of buildings, humming along to the radio, his tinted sunglasses that Luke was very familiar with propped unapologetically on his well-structured nose.

Michael played air guitar alon g to the radio when a Nickelback song came on. It was one Luke recognized, so he nodded his head to the beat, and Ashton started singing the chorus an octave higher than the original, tapping the steering wheel with his thumbs. He had a nice voice, Luke thought distantly. 

“C’mon, Luke, Mikey, sing it with me,” Ashton crowed.  _ “Every memory is looking out the- _ ”

Despite a lot of kids Luke grew up with claiming Nickelback was trash, he could not deny the urge to enjoy the song. It was catchy, and he and Michael joined in easily, leaving Luke feeling exhilarated.

Michael whooped when the song was over. “Next time Cal needs to be in the car, too. Can’t have him miss out on this shit.”

Ashton nodded in agreement, and then caught Luke’s eye in the rearview mirror. “I didn’t know you sing, dude. You sound good.”

“Oh, thanks,” Luke said, a bit self-conscious. Yeah, he used to sing along to guitar, but nobody but his mom had really commented on it. It wasn’t anything he prided himself on, but the compliment wormed its way into the back of his mind anyways. “You too.”

Luke caught Michael roll his eyes in the front seat. “Oh, here’s my stop,” Michael said as they neared the curb. “See ya, lovebirds.”

He got out of the car quickly with an amused smirk on his face. Ashton waved through the windshield, and Michael stuck his tongue out in return. All Luke was thinking was  _ lovebirds _ . He called them lovebirds. Was it that obvious how much he liked Ashton?

“Come on, hop in the front,” Ashton said, directing a blinding grin at Luke through the rearview. Luke got out wordlessly and slid into shotgun a moment later, trying not to look at Ashton - he was a vision in the morning sunlight, entirely at home in this shitty Honda in semi-urban Perth, and Luke knew if he started staring he wouldn’t be able to stop.

  
  


TWENTY-ONE

“Where do you wanna go?”

Luke didn’t know. He did know that he wanted to have a conversation with Ashton, but he figured in a no-park zone outside Kosmic Sound, a fire hydrant away from a four-way intersection, was not the ideal location. He also needed to buy some clothes and go shopping in general. He settled for shopping.

“Is there a mall around here?”

Ashton pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Ten minutes to a small-ish one? Or there’s Perth’s finest, city centre, but that’s at least forty-five minutes and more with traffic.”

“Small one is fine,” Luke said, relaxing into his seat.

They made small conversation on the way to Westfield mall. They were both doing a good job at ignoring everything that happened between them last night and early this morning, and Luke was starting to feel a bit frustrated - was this normal to Ashton? Kiss one of your mates by the sea, wake up cuddling with him, and turn around and forget about it? Luke should’ve asked Michael or Calum if anything similar had happened with them. 

“Do you have a license?” Ashton was asking. Luke looked over quickly, eyes catching on Ashton’s hands on the steering wheel, and forced his gaze up past the hood of the car.

“Just a learner’s,” Luke said, truthfully. He had done the written test and driven maybe four times in the last six months since his birthday, but he had no real practice, and he’d never put that much effort into it, because his mom drove him everywhere anyways. It wasn’t quite legal for him to drive alone yet, but he supposed if Ashton had his full license and sat beside him they wouldn’t get fined. Driving lessons, Luke thought. Another thing he had to consider.

They took a left, drove past a loading bay and a red sign that spelled out  _ Westfield _ , continuing to the parking lot on the roof. It was sunny and Luke ached to change out of his long-sleeve shirt that he’d been wearing since that day in Adelaide - heat waves were almost visible rising from the coal-black asphalt around the car.

When Luke and Ashton got out of the car, shading their eyes from the sun, Ashton said, “I’m gonna get some food and stuff for the flat. Are you good to shop by yourself? And,” he added, “Don’t worry about buying food. You just moved in, we can cover it.”

Luke nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate it. And yeah, what time should we meet back here?”

“Oh, just text me whenever you’re done. Or if you need help. You still have my contact, right?”

A sly smile followed Ashton’s words. Luke chuckled. “Yeah, I haven’t deleted it yet.” He recalled a few days ago on the train, trading phones and typing in contact details after Ashton had asked Luke if he wanted to stay in his flat. 

“Okay. See you, Luke.” They parted ways - Ashton towards the grocery store, Luke towards the department stores - once in the air conditioned atmosphere of the mall proper.

* * *

An hour or so later, Luke had exchanged about one or two hundred of his dollars on some secondhand shirts, black skinny jeans from Target, various value-packs of socks and underwear, and a few basic toiletries that would hold him over for at least a month. He’d also found his favourite gum in the Target checkout line, so he had to get some of that.

Luke took a few minutes to change into new clothes, hopping around in the bathroom stall to get his jeans on, and felt much better. He pulled out his phone, saw no new messages, and figured Ashton was probably waiting to send him anything for fear of rushing Luke. Grocery shopping could have only taken half an hour or so.

Luke typed out a quick  _ I’m done, are u ready to go? _ and idled outside of a nail salon near the escalators to the rooftop parking. A second later, Ashton replied,  _ yeah, see u at escalator :) _ . 

Feeling a flutter in his stomach at the smiley face on the end of Ashton’s message, Luke shook his head and fought his own smile creeping up. Stop, he told himself firmly. It was a good thing Ashton was pretending the kiss didn’t happen. It was a mistake, and they both knew it, and - but why did he invite Luke to sleep with him? Luke’s mind butted into its own monologue. Why did he blush when he saw he’d woken up with Luke in his arms? Why did he  _ kiss Luke back- _

“Hey,” Ashton said, coming up behind Luke and bumping Luke’s shoulder with his own in greeting. “All good?”

Luke was temporarily at a loss for words when he faced Ashton. Even in the shitty mall halogen lighting he looked like an angel, his ruffled light brown hair over his pretty hazel eyes, his award-winning smile that was the tiniest bit crooked but only more charming because of it, the line of his jaw and everything and Luke needed to stop. He started chewing aimlessly on his lip ring in frustration, hoping the three-day-old pain would shock him to his senses. 

“Yeah,” he got out. “You?”

Ashton took a second to respond himself, and Luke felt a distant thrill run down his spine when he realized Ashton was looking at his mouth; he was watching Like bite at his black lip ring. It only lasted a second - a blink later, Ashton met Luke’s eyes again, an easy smile back in place, and said, “Yep, I got everything. Let’s go!”

Luke wasn’t sure if he was perceiving anything around him correctly anymore, so he followed Ashton up the escalators, feeling a bit faint.

“Where to next?” Ashton asked breezily once they were in the car. Luke was uncharacteristically silent and fiddled with his hands before responding.

“I dunno.” Really, he just wanted to talk to Ashton, seriously, but it was only when he was presented with the opportunity that he tried to put it off. The risks weighed on him, mingled with the worst-case scenarios: He could lose Ashton’s friendship (very unlikely), make a fool of himself (likely), or just make Ashton really uncomfortable, which wasn’t very bad but he didn’t want it to happen anyways.

Ashton shrugged and put the car in drive. He pulled out of the lot and got on the main street, presumably heading back home.

Fuck this, Luke thought. Now or fucking never. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Luke thought grimly.

“We need to talk,” he forced out.

Ashton made an unnecessary shoulder check before switching into a just-opened lane. Luke thought he was going to pull a “we do?” and make Luke explain it, but to Luke’s relief, he said instead, “Okay.”

Yeah, that wasn’t so much better, but at least Ashton was listening. He felt kind of uncomfortable having a weighty conversation next to so much moving traffic, so, staring straight ahead out the windshield, asked, “Do you think we can pull over somewhere?”   
  


Ashton glanced at him. “Sure.”

They sat in uneasy silence for a bit longer than a few minutes while Luke geared himself up. Luke assumed Ashton was finding a good spot to park, but they passed several free lots and innumerable on-street parking spots. Soon they were off the main streets and trees were breaking up the sunlight. 

“Is here good?” Ashton asked when they were in some residential cul de sac. “There’s a thing off the road, like a lookout rock.”

Luke shrugged. He didn’t really care, so long as it was somewhere.

“I supposed you should do a little sightseeing, for your first full day in Perth.” Ashton said lightheartedly. Luke caught Ashton shooting sidelong glances at him in a nervous fashion. Yeah, Luke thought. You and me both.

“Good idea,” Luke agreed, trying to inject some regularity into their conversation. “Let’s go.”

  
  


TWENTY-TWO

The lookout rock was quite a bit nicer than Luke had previously written it off as. Ashton’s driving had taken them back towards the ocean, so the glittering sea captured a lot of Luke’s attention, but when he turned around the city was visible, too. Some clouds drifted overhead, and a few darker ones shrouded Perth farther inland. Luke focused on his immediate surroundings: Ashton standing near him, the scrubby plant growth on this 5-meter diameter boulder that resembled a miniature butte, and the mostly-flat rock surface under his feet.

Feeling slightly annoyed at Ashton for choosing such a pretty place for such an ugly conversation, Luke started. “Okay, so last night.”

Ashton wandered closer. Luke didn’t feel sane enough to look at him, so he stared at his feet instead. “On the beach?” Ashton said, sounding more quiet and unsure than Luke was used to hearing from him. 

“Yeah.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Ashton cut in quickly. “I, uh. You said you were sorry before, and just… you don’t have to say it again.”

Luke wasn’t planning on apologizing, but he realized that’s what this might have looked like from Ashton’s perspective. “No, I won’t.”

Ashton’s silence didn’t leave much room for Luke to extrapolate. Maybe Ashton was wishing Luke hadn’t even brought this up. Maybe Ashton didn’t want Luke to feel bad about acting on his impulses, even though it made everything weird. While hanging in the limbo between words, Luke noticed Ashton was fiddling almost feverishly with his hands - pinching his nails between his fingers, winding his thumbs between his knuckles and squeezing. It was a kind of nervous tic Luke could remember doing himself.

“Ash?”

At the nickname, Ashton looked up and met Luke’s eyes. “Hm?”   
  


“I just wanted to ask…” What did he want to ask? What was between them? How he was supposed to act? What was going on inside Ashton’s head, and why was it so hard for Luke to figure out? 

“Why’d you pretend it didn’t happen?” Luke blurted out. It had definitely sounded a little less desperate inside his head.

Ashton opened and closed his mouth. “I.” He stopped, and his throat worked, an area of Ashton’s anatomy that Luke was pointedly not looking at. “You also…”

Yes, Luke had also acted like it hadn’t happened. Like he hadn’t given into his wretched longing and kissed Ashton like a fire that burned too hot to maintain.

Ashton continued. “I, um, I’m gonna have to talk for a bit, is that okay? Wanna sit down or something?”

Sure, Luke thought dimly. Let’s do that. He sat down cross-legged next to Ashton and looked out across the residential neighborhood towards the ocean. He waited for Ashton to start.

“I wanted to say I was sorry. For kissing you back, I guess.” He pushed a hand through his hair with more force than was necessary, and continued, Luke waiting with bated breath. “Um, I know the past few weeks for you have been really, really bad, and a lot of things have happened that you probably want to forget, or- I can’t imagine what it’s like, okay?”

Ashton met his eyes and took a slightly ragged breath. “I keep asking if you’re okay because I don’t know what else to say, and I don’t know if you’re emotionally, you know, stable, because of your family - that’s a hell of a trauma, and even though it seems like you’re dealing pretty well… even though you act sometimes like it never happened, like you’re just on a vacation with friends or whatever, other times I find you having a panic attack in the kitchen in the middle of the night and I don’t know what to say to you because nothing can fix your situation.”

Oh, God, Luke thought as if at a great distance. His family really  _ was _ gone. If he went back to Brisbane, nobody would be waiting for him.  _ Ashton was right. _ But the kiss? What did that have to- oh- emotionally stable.

He realized Ashton was waiting for some kind of response. He cleared his throat, but all he managed to put out was “I…”

Yeah, Luke had his ways of dealing with massive trauma and catastrophe, and distractions were his holy grail of medicine. Then again - Ashton wasn’t just some distraction Luke was using to forget about his past. Ashton was the realest and most alive aspect to Luke’s life. He did distract him; Luke allowed himself that, at least, but he knew Ashton was  _ more _ than a distraction, and he desperately wanted to prove it to him.

“You’re not a distraction.” Luke told him, as if it would fix everything. He corrected himself. “You- you take my mind off shit from the past, but that’s not… that’s not why I like being with you, necessarily. There’s so much else that I like about you.”

Luke could feel his throat start burning and blinked to clear his eyes. He was trying to hold on to the only things that felt right in his life - Ashton and Perth. 

“I don’t want to feel like,” Ashton started. “I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you because of your emotional state.”

Well, that was a bland way to put it. Emotional state. It did spike a sliver of doubt into Luke’s mind, however. What if he really was so lost and without human connection that he’d prematurely attached himself to the first person who showed him any kindness? What if this was all just a ploy designed by his traumatized mind, to latch onto Ashton because there was nobody else? Luke’s world was coming down around him.

He swallowed thickly and looked up at Ashton. He took in the light playing in the boy’s messy hair, the dark and vulnerable shade his eyes had taken on, the slant of his nose and the desperate line of his worried lips. He was close enough for Luke to inhale the familiar warm scent of sunlight on Ashton’s body. 

Luke thought back to the days and nights on the train. The soft smiles and comforting glances, touches, presence. The way Ashton’s embrace grounded Luke in reality when he was lost and drifting. That night in Adelaide, the lip ring in the tattoo parlour, the dinner on the beach, the affection in Ashton’s every motion and spelled out in the lines on his face when Luke leaned in to hug him because that’s all Luke had ever wanted to do. Falling asleep in Ashton’s lap on their last night on the train, following him all the way to Perth. 

_ I love you _ , he thought wretchedly.  _ Ashton, Ashton. I love you. _

The burning had returned to his throat and it spread through his body like embers being prodded back to life. Desperate, all-consuming, scorching. 

If this wasn’t real, Luke didn’t know what was.

He was so close to Ashton. He didn’t know when exactly they’d moved towards each other, but his knee was pressed against the other boy’s and their shoulders were  _ right there _ , Luke still looking at his feet, but he turned and caught Ashton staring at him, lips parted.

“Kiss me,” Luke whispered.

And Ashton did.

  
  


TWENTY-THREE

It started slow, and sweet, just like their first one. Hands lifting to cup Luke’s jaw and pull him in, fingers curling into Ashton’s shirt, tugging at it, then up and sliding into Ashton’s soft hair behind his ear. Luke’s body was aflame, but a slower, darker fire that felt like it could burn for a long time and not falter. 

The heavy heat that settled in his chest started spreading. Ashton tilted his head, kissing harder and deeper, and Luke let out an involuntary low noise deep in the back of his throat. Every emotion felt too strong, too intense, while Ashton was so close to him. The heat branched out into his fingers, his legs, and head, making Luke feel high and reckless, and when Ashton dragged his tongue across Luke’s lip ring and bit down, Luke felt the heat rush somewhere else, too, and stifled a groan, kissing back with as much as he was being given.

_ Ashton _ , Luke’s mind sang.  _ Oh, god, Ashton _ .

A few minutes later, they both drew back, foreheads together, panting into each other’s mouths. Luke could say with absolute certainty that he’d never been kissed like that before in his life.

“Is this okay?” Ashton said softly. 

Luke exhaled a shaky laugh. “Yeah- yeah. More than okay. Are you… do you…?”

Ashton closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah, it’s good with me. God, Luke.”

“What?” Luke said, sheepishly.

“You’re…” Ashton smiled and shook his head. “I’ve been wanting to do that… well, since Adelaide.”

Luke’s eyebrows shot up. “Adelaide? You’ve been wanting to kiss me since Adelaide?”

“Yeah,” Ashton said dazedly, eyes half-shut, arms tangled around Luke’s waist. He didn’t offer anything further. Luke didn’t mind - he was trying to get his head around all this, what all this was going to lead to, and what it all meant for them. 

“I like your jeans,” Ashton mumbled, a minute or so later, when Luke was zoning out and staring at the sky, absorbing Ashton’s proximity. Luke glanced at him, then at his jeans. His face immediately turned hot. Great, he thought - of course skinny jeans do absolutely nothing to hide a boner. Great, great, great. It wasn’t even - Luke didn’t even feel that turned on, because so much else was going on inside his head, but obviously his body called the shots on this side of the fence.

“Fuck,” Luke muttered. He turned his face into Ashton’s hair to hide the flush creeping up his cheeks. 

Ashton laughed mildly and hummed in contentment. “It’s okay. There’s a reason I’m not sitting like that.”

Luke felt the heat in his cheeks skyrocket. Oh, okay, Ashton had a boner too. That was information his body was going to catalogue. 

They sat on top of the lookout rock for a while longer. Luke didn’t ever want to leave; it was a beautiful spot, and here he could sit tangled up with Ashton and nobody else was around to pull them apart. The ocean glittered in the distance. Luke shaded his eyes with his hand, and realized Ashton was doing the same; he must have put his sunglasses down somewhere when they started kissing. The heat from the sun burned the back of Luke’s neck and upper arms. Behind them, though, the dark cloud over inland Perth seemed to be getting closer.

“Think it’s time to head down?” Ashton asked. Then he frowned and brushed his fingers over the back of Luke’s neck. “Luke, you’re gonna get a killer sunburn if we stay for much longer.”

Luke revelled in the casual touch of Ashton’s hand. “And you’re not?”

“I tan exceedingly well.”   
  


Well, that was probably true, based on Ashton’s honey-coloured skin tone that seemed to be permanently in a state of sun-kissed glory. Luke had a bit of a tan that was a shade or so darker than his pale skin, but not for lack of trying - years in Brisbane had gifted him with countless sunburns and even some freckles across his shoulders.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Okay, let’s go.”

Ashton stood up first and offered Luke a hand, which he took gratefully. They held hands until climbing down the side of the rock wouldn’t permit it. At the bottom, though, Ashton sidled close to Luke and wound their fingers together again in the shade.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Ashton’s concerned eyes found Luke’s. 

“Yes,” Luke said, with conviction. “I- well, you know…” He tried to stave off the coldness that seeped into his stomach at the thought. He cleared his throat. “I still have to deal with that,” he stated. He wasn’t ready for it all yet. He didn’t know when he would be.

Ashton patiently waited for him to continue. Luke went on, “But I really like you. And if you really like me back,” he gave a shy smile, not wanting to push too much on Ashton, “then I can be with you while I sort myself out again.”

Ashton was looking at Luke a little hopelessly, a lazy curve at the edge of his lips. “Yeah, I really like you back. So we’re together?”

Luke felt a tiny thrill. “Yeah, we’re together.”

Ashton laughed radiantly, eyes bright. He pulled Luke closer and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Awesome.”

* * *

Luke still, ten minutes later, sitting in the car with the windows down, couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe Ashton returned his feelings. He couldn’t believe they were together,  _ together _ , and it had been so easy and honest and _ perfect _ . He felt kind of like he was dying, but in the best way possible. Looking over at Ashton driving and knowing he could stare as much as he wanted, knowing he could run his hands through Ashton’s hair and kiss him and touch him and hug him - it made Luke’s head spin.

This was the best day of Luke’s life. 

“Why’d you keep looking at me?” Ashton said peevishly. “Is there something on my face?”

Luke’s face split into a grin. “Yeah. Pull over?”

Ashton gave him a chiding look, but stopped in the closest spot possible, which happened to be a 10-minute park loading zone for a bottle recycling plant. Luke managed to wait until he’d pulled the parking brake, and then leaned over the gearshift, Ashton meeting him halfway, joining together like puzzle pieces. Puzzle pieces that were locked at the lips. 

Luke didn’t spare a single thought to anyone who could have been walking past the car and seen them - he made out with Ashton, a bit sloppier than they’d done before, until Ashton pulled back, breathing hot. Then Luke squeezed his eyes shut and hummed in contentment while Ashton mouthed along his jaw and ear. His hands were curled in Ashton’s shirt, and the between-seat compartment was digging into the bottom of his ribcage. This was a daydream turned reality and Luke didn’t want to give up a second of it.

“Stop that,” Ashton laughed, a small, high giggle. Luke had been ghosting his hands up under the back of Ashton’s shirt.

“Okay, okay,” he relented. He leaned back and Ashton mirrored him, so they were both back in their own seats. Luke reached over and held Ashton’s hand.

Ashton gripped his hand comfortingly, then nodded out the windshield. “I can’t believe we did that. Literally anybody walking by would have seen us.” 

There was a slightly pregnant pause, and then they both burst out laughing. It was the all-consuming kind that had Luke wheezing, physically unable to breathe - it was the kind that came up from his stomach like something that had been locked away for too long, and that was because it probably had. “Fuck, Ash,” he choked out when he finally caught his breath. “Scandalizing the general public. Yeah, that’s something to knock off the bucket list.”

  
  


TWENTY-FOUR

It had been a couple hours since Ashton had dropped off Calum at the football field, meaning Calum’s game was almost over. They headed there next, crossing the seventy-five to Scarborough, Luke watching the sky above them coalesce into raindrops that started off misty but ended up hammering down on the windshield like stones.

“I hope Cal’s game is over,” Ashton commented, mirroring Luke’s thoughts. The windshield wipers were on at warp speed, and the shitty Honda was filled with the electronic whup of their motion. 

“How’d it start raining so fast?” Luke wondered out loud. The cloud had looked hours away, at least, and wasn’t rain supposed to come in from the ocean, anyways? 

Ashton shook his head. “I dunno, man. Weather here is kinda fucked up.”

Another thought occured to Luke. “Are… Do you want to tell Calum? About us?” He added, somewhat unhelpfully, “Being together?”   
  


“Oh, right.” Ashton drummed his fingers on the wheel. 

“I heard him and Michael talking this morning,” Luke cut in. “They already kind of think we’re together. So it can be, like, subtle. I guess. I don’t know them that well yet.”

“You will,” Ashton said, matter-of-factly.

Luke couldn’t help a smile creep onto his face. An indescribable emotion took hold of his heart at Ashton’s words. He felt like he belonged.

Ashton checked the rearview and signalled right. “Cal will probably just say, ‘cool,’ and Mikey will probably make fun of us for a bit, but they’ll get used to it.”

They arrived, and Calum, soaking wet, met the car at the curb. He opened Luke’s door - shotgun - first, splashing Luke with surprising amounts of cold rain, before swearing and slamming it shut again to move into the backseat.

Once Calum was inside, Luke wiped the wet hair off his face, and said, “Sorry.”

Calum shook his head. “Didn’t expect you both to come along to pick me up. Don’t worry. Makes me feel special, y’know.” Water droplets were flung everywhere, and both Luke and Ashton covered their faces with their arms. Ashton realized his phone was in the splash zone and swiped it away, drying it hastily on his jeans.

“Ew, Calum,” Ashton reprimanded. “I didn’t know you were an actual dog.”

“That’s your fault for picking me up five minutes late.” Calum said severely, pointing at him like it was a threat. “It’s what you get.”

“Ugh, yeah,” Ashton waved his hand. “You’re gonna get such a beating from Mike when he sees how wet the inside of his car is.”

Calum groaned in response. “I’ll tell him it was you.” 

Luke laughed, and he caught himself gazing at Ashton fondly. He quickly looked over to Calum. Yeah, he’d seen it - and his eyebrows were raised. It didn’t help that Ashton basically had been resting his hand on Luke’s knee since they’d pulled up to the curb. A short silence permeated the car, and Ashton and Luke exchanged a glance.

“Uh,” Ashton started, jumping as close to the chase as he could.

“Are you two-” Calum got there before him. 

“Are we two-” Ashton mirrored, sounding faintly alarmed.

“Together?” Luke interrupted. Both other boys looked at him; Calum had on an appraising expression, slightly expectant, and Ashton was sporting an amused grimace. The resounding pause was answer enough.

Calum banged his head against the back of his seat. “Fuckin’ knew it. I knew it. Ashton, I told you you’d get him.”

“Wait, what?” Luke said, turning on Ashton, who had his face in his hands. 

Calum went on, gleefully. “He was texting me and Mike a few days ago, when you guys were on the train, and he was all like ‘this boy is super cute,’ and I said- I said, because when he sent me that selfie of you both it was- I said, ‘dude, he is so into you,’ and he didn’t believe me, but you fuckin’ should have, Ash!” He directed his last point at Ashton, who was laughing slowly, sounding both pained and slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah,” he verified. “Yeah, that happened.”

Luke shook his head in awe. “Oh my god, Ashton.”

Calum was cackling in the backseat. “Come on! Stop making eyes at each other and drive. I need to shower.”

Ashton composed himself and put the car in gear. “I can’t believe you told him, Cal. I can’t trust you with anything.”

“The best relationships start with honestly,” Calum said, wisely. He pulled out his phone, opened the camera, and flipped the viewscreen to peer at his hair, and Luke looked away from the rearview to Ashton. He’d never get tired of looking at Ashton. Ashton, who admitted to his friends he thought Luke was hot over text message.  _ Hot. Ashton thought he was hot _ . Ashton, who was still a bit pink around his ears and wasn’t looking at Luke. Ashton, who only half an hour or so before, was kissing the shit out of Luke in this very car. Wow. Luke was in love.

“I’m hungry,” Calum announced.

Without hesitating, Ashton droned, “Hi hungry, I’m d-” before he was cut off by Calum kicking the back of his chair. In a high-pitched burst of laughter, leaning forward to avoid any more assaults, and said, “Why, Cal? What did I do to deserve-”

“Ash, you’re such an old man.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say to your elders.”

“Are you gonna cook when we get home?” Calum asked, changing the subject rapidly, and transforming his face into a pleading expression.

“Am I going to cook when we get home? Hm.” Ashton huffed. He paused, and Calum waited in anticipation. “… Yes. Okay. I will,” Ashton relented.

“Fuck yeah!” Calum whooped. “Luke, high five, man.” Luke turned and gave him a solid one, wincing when his hand stung afterwards. “You haven’t lived till you’ve had Ashton’s cooking. I’m not kidding.”

“You never told me you can cook,” Luke said to Ashton.

“That’s because it’s a fun party trick to pull on random people. And a surprise for you,” he added, glaring at Calum, who sniffed, unbothered.

Ashton sighed and concentrated on driving. Luke concentrated on Ashton, and Calum concentrated on his phone. They were almost home, something Luke registered only dimly. The rest of his mind was determinedly cataloguing every single one of Ashton’s features, only partially trying to be subtle. And he was thinking about food - the pangs in his stomach reminded him that he was a growing teenage boy who hadn’t eaten in more than a couple of hours.

“How was your game, Calum?” Calum said cheerfully in the backseat while Ashton parked. “Oh, it was pretty good, thanks for asking. I scored a goal. My team won. Nothing particularly exciting, but it’s flattering that you care enough to ask.”

“Calum,” Ashton groaned, dragging the syllables out. “Sorry, I- I’m glad your game went well. Good job scoring. You’ve made us proud.”

Calum laughed, waving his hand as if to say ‘don’t worry about it’ and got out of the car. Luke and Ashton exchanged an abashed but amused look, and followed him a moment later into the cold rain.

  
  


TWENTY-FIVE

Inside, the boys made a beeline for the kitchen. Ashton unpacked the groceries into the fridge, Luke got a glass of water, and Calum dug through the cupboards until he found a bag of chips. Under Ashton’s inquisitive stare, he waved the chips and explained, “Just to keep me alive until you make something.”

Luke finished drinking and put his glass on top of the precarious tower of dirty plates, cups, assorted cutlery, and a muffin pan with residue of what looked suspiciously like cheese. Someone was going to have to clean these at some point, he thought. Not him, though - not now. He helped Ashton with the groceries instead.

Calum and Ashton got a text at the same time and both reached to pick up their phones. “What is it?” Luke asked.

Ashton opened messages. “Oh! It’s Michael.” He moved so Luke could read over his shoulder. The text read: “Someone come pick me up? Manager gave me the afternoon off, said she didn’t want to pay me for dead hours.”

“How’d he pull that?” Calum wondered. “Ash, are you gonna go?”

Ashton was unnaturally quiet, and instead gave Calum a look. Calum rolled his eyes at both him and Luke, and let out an annoyed breath. “Really?”

Luke caught Ashton’s eye and saw they were both wearing the same faux-innocent expressions, facing off against Calum’s petulant one. Ashton waved his hand and said, “Well, when you get there, you can make him drive. Besides, it’ll take a while for me to make food, anyways.”

Calum snorted. “Make food, my ass.”

“Sorry, Calum!” Luke called as Calum slid his shoes back on and snagged the key from beside the door. “If I could drive by myself, I’d volunteer.”

Calum flipped them both off before opening the door. He stood in the dryness of the doorway and warned, “You two better have your clothes on when I get back, or I am pouring the entire expired container of bleach on your bed and then in my eyes.”

With that, he was gone.

Ashton’s hand crept around Luke’s waist, slipping under his shirt and resting on the bare skin of Luke’s hipbone. “He’ll be gone for half an hour, at least,” Ashton said softly.

“Come here,” Luke whispered back. He pivoted to face Ashton, then pushed him gently a few inches back until he was stopped by the counter. Luke positioned his right leg between Ashton’s thighs, and pressed closer until he could feel the other boy’s breath on his face.

“I swear you’re getting taller,” Ashton muttered. His hand had slipped from Luke’s waist and he now put both of his hands under Luke’s shirt, holding Luke’s hips against his own. Luke revelled in the feeling and trailed his own hands up Ashton’s back, only stopping when he had buried one in Ashton’s hair and the other was pressed flat against his waist. Their breaths mingled, mouths only an inch or so apart.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Ashton grunted. Luke responded with a trace of a laugh. Yeah, he was feeling pretty turned on, too. He leaned forward, dipped his head down and to the side, and mouthed the skin below Ashton’s ear. Ashton swallowed audibly, which Luke took as an invitation to continue, and he kissed along Ashton’s neck, down to his pulse point and Adam’s apple. Ashton tilted his head back to allow Luke more room, his breaths coming faster, and Luke could feel his fingers press harder into Luke’s hips almost involuntarily. 

Finally, Ashton said, “Fuck, Luke,” in the roughest voice Luke had heard him speak in, which was a sensation all to itself, and nosed down to catch Luke’s mouth with his own. Their lips met for the third time that day, hot and wet and open-mouthed, and Luke was tugging at Ashton’s hair.

They broke apart a few minutes later. Luke pulled away to catch his breath, then said, “We have to cook something, you know, before they get back.”

“Fuck food,” Ashton panted. He looked wrecked; his pupils were blown, his lips were a darker shade of pink, his hair was mussed and falling in curls over his forehead. Luke couldn’t have looked much different.

Ashton leaned forward and caught Luke’s bottom lip in his teeth, then kissed around his lip ring. Luke felt his eyes slide shut and he struggled to keep himself from succumbing to the demanding part of his hormonal brain. Ashton, he thought, vapidly. The mantra in his head had scarcely ceased at all. Ashton, Ashton, Ashton.

“Food,” Luke gasped, trying not to pay attention to Ashton’s hands at his waistband, to Ashton’s tongue running along his lip. He consoled himself with the knowledge they’d have time to do this, and more, not long in the future. That he planned on getting to know Ashton more intimately that he’d ever wanted to know someone. He focused on the more pressing matter at hand - how to persuade Ashton to cook while he had a boner. Yeah, Luke could feel it - his leg was right there, after all. He felt a bit of awkward pride at being able to turn Ashton on so much, despite being in the exact same situation himself. 

Luke extricated himself from Ashton’s grip and stepped back to give them both some breathing room. Breathlessly, he said, “Okay, what do we need? What are you even making?”

Ashton leaned his elbows back on the counter and stared at the ceiling. “Uh. Pasta. So we need some… linguini, some cheese, uhhh.”

He looked at Luke and made a sad face. “We’re really cooking now?”

“Yeah,” Luke said, channeling more certainty than he felt. He took a deep breath and exhaled in effort to calm himself down. “Yeah, we’re cooking.” It was just kissing, he told his body forcefully. Just kissing. Just kissing. Why did ‘just kissing’ with Ashton have this much of an effect on him?

Ashton rubbed his hand over his face. “Can’t believe I’m getting cockblocked by my own boyfriend.”

A rush of heat filled Luke’s chest at Ashton’s word. Boyfriend. He came closer and then took Ashton into a quick, but tight, embrace, nose against his neck like always, inhaling Ashton’s scent. “Sorry,” he said, a bit muffled. He meant it, too, but they’d have ages to kiss and touch and right now he was starving and he wanted to try Ashton’s famous cooking. 

“It’s okay. You’re right, we should probably get started.” Ashton kissed the side of Luke’s head, and they stepped apart.

* * *

Fifteen or twenty minutes later, there was a hesitant knock at the door, and Luke hurried over to open it for Calum and Michael. They had a key, of course, but Luke assumed Calum was being extra careful.

“Hey!” Luke greeted them. 

“Thank god,” Calum said, referring to Luke’s state of dress.

“Do I smell pasta?” Michael asked loudly.

“Come in!” Ashton called from the stove. Hair dripping wet, Michael and Calum took their shoes off, and Luke shut the door behind them.

Once they had all assembled in the kitchen, Ashton still toiling over the pots on the cooktop, Michael broke the comfortable silence with the question Luke had been waiting for. “So, is it true? Or is Calum just shitting me.”

To add context to his words, Michael nodded between Luke and Ashton. He lifted his eyebrows expectantly.

“Yeah,” Ashton said. Luke watched a shit-eating grin split Michael’s face, feeling trepidation growing inside him. 

Michael whistled. “Ok-ay. Wow. Do I need to give you guys the talk, or-”

“You like girls, Mikey, it’s not the same thing,” Ashton pointed out. Luke saw the edge of a smile on his face, however, even while the hint of a blush coloured his ears.

“Use protection!” Michael said. “And who said anything about _ just _ liking girls? You’ve been gone a while, wise Ashton.”

Ashton spun around. “Wait, what?”

“Pasta!” Calum nearly shouted in alarm when Ashton’s attention was divided. “Michael, stop distracting him!”

Luke and Michael dissolved into laughter at the bewildered and panicked expressions on the other boys’ faces. Calum hit Michael on the arm. Ashton was shaking his head in increasing exasperation, much of it directed towards both Michael and Luke. 

“Anyone else have any news they’d like to share?” Ashton announced, sounding faintly vexed. 

Luke caught his breath and raised his hand meekly. “I like girls and boys.”

Ashton rolled his eyes. “Good to know, Luke. Cal?”

“Girls,” Calum responded. “Girls are hot. Fuck you all. I’m starving.”

Michael lifted his hands in a double high five for Luke. “Girls and boys?” Michael asked, waiting for Luke’s agreement. Michael had barely recovered from being bent over laughing, and Luke, in much the same boat, returned the high five in concord.

  
  


TWENTY-SIX

The boys had a late lunch in the living room, sprawled over the couch and the floor. Luke was sitting on the couch normally, feet up on the table, and Ashton was sitting close, legs on Luke’s lap, leaning back against the arm rest. Calum was on the other end of the couch, and Michael was on the floor, back resting near Calum’s feet. The rain outside had calmed from bullets to a steady thrum of raindrops. It was a pretty sound and Luke felt obscenely happy to be sitting in this messy flat with three other boys - three of his friends, now. Ashton’s easy proximity made Luke’s heart leap in his throat every time he remembered they could do this now, that they could hold hands and sit on each other’s laps, and nobody could stop them. Nobody else but Calum and Michael were here - no outsiders, no strangers. Luke ate pasta out of a cracked ceramic bowl and felt sincere contentment for the first time in as long as he could remember - if he saw Brisbane as a sort of death and entrance into another life, this was the first time ever. In a way, it was a new life; in a way, Luke Hemmings from Brisbane had died in the car crash with his family. Luke now - Luke, who lived in Perth with his boyfriend - was an entirely different person. Luke now, who wore skinny jeans and had a lip ring and swept his hair off his face, as if he was tired of hiding behind it, was changed forever.

“Ashton?”

“Yeah, Luke?”

“This pasta is fucking amazing.”   
  


Ashton laughed in response, a smile lighting up his face. He leaned forward and kissed the side of Luke’s mouth. “Glad you like it.”

“Keep it in your pants,” Michael warned from the floor. Ashton kicked his head in response and kissed Luke again before leaning back. Luke felt butterflies and moths and everything else with wings flutter in his stomach at Ashton’s touch, and he couldn’t help a lovelorn smile sketch across his face.

Luke, Ashton, Calum, and Michael lazed around and talked for the next long while, sharing stories. Michael had been to more rock concerts than he could count on both of his hands, which Luke was insanely jealous of. Michael promised he’d take Luke to the next one when it came up. Calum convinced Luke to learn how to scuba dive so they could go together sometime, an activity Luke was afraid of but vowed to give it a shot. Ashton tried to one-up the other boys by seducing Luke with an offer of free DVDs from the DVD store he worked at starting again next week. 

Eventually, Luke started to feel like he wasn’t sharing enough about his past. He wanted to tell Calum and Michael how he’d ended up here, but he didn’t know where to start, and he wasn’t sure if the outcome was going to be good. They probably deserved to know, though, anyways.

Luke reached out for Ashton’s hand. Ashton sent him a quizzical look that Luke responded to by gripping his hand tighter - not exactly reassuring, but Luke didn’t know what else to do. When there was a lull in conversation, he cleared his throat, and cut right to the chase, saying, “I need to tell you guys something. Michael and Calum. About why I came here.”

Ashton squeezed Luke’s hand. Michael and Calum raised their eyebrows, almost in sync. “Oh, you didn’t come just for our famous milkshakes?” Michael said.

“Famous milk-” Luke huffed a laugh and pinched his nose with his free hand. “Uh, no.”

Calum and Michael seemed to read the seriousness on his face, and seemed to pick up on his hesitation. They waited in comfortable silence. Luke started with, “I don’t want you guys to treat me really any different, okay? I’m still Luke.”

Michael’s eyebrows were disappearing into his hair, and both his and Calum’s faces were pinched in a kind of anticipatory concern. “What is it?” Calum asked.

And so Luke told them. It was brief, and Ashton stayed quiet the whole time, but his hand remained in Luke’s as a reminder that he was still there. Luke felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders - at the same time, another kind of burden fell into his arms, a kind of aching pain and regret, but he fought it off, telling himself this was the right choice. It was never easy, Luke thought, to share troubling secrets. Most often, though, it paid off.

When Luke lapsed into silence, Michael spoke first. “Well. Fuck.”

Luke laughed a little weakly. “Huh?” There were old tears in his eyes, and the familiar burn in the back of his throat was barely noticeable to him anymore. 

“No, just,” Michael cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re here now. Uh, you know. I’m sorry that happened, though.”

Luke waved his hand. Michael’s ineloquence made him feel a bit better. “I’m just glad I’m here now.”

Calum shuffled towards Luke from his end of the couch and leaned in for a one-armed hug. Luke sniffled into his shoulder. Hugs were good, Luke decided. In some circumstances, it was better than talking. 

There weren’t any jokes, necessarily, anyone could make to lighten the mood. Luke felt a bit guilty for that - for killing their joy, essentially - but Ashton picked up on this, and he ruffled Luke’s hair. “So, what are we gonna do now?”

Luke assumed he was asking about right now, him and Calum and Michael and Luke, but Luke took the question a little deeper into his own mind. What was he going to do? All he could do, really, was keep going on. Keep waking up every morning and trying to fit a smile on his face that would hopefully start coming more and more naturally. Get a job, pay the rent, maybe take online classes so he could finish high school. Maybe he’d join a band. Maybe he’d start a band with his friends. He’d spend time - a lot of time - with Ashton. He’d go to concerts with Michael and watch Calum’s football games. He’d buy a guitar - a secondhand one would do fine, he figured, already picturing a beat-up version of the blue PRS Mira he’d always loved the look and sound of. 

“Wanna go to the beach?” Calum said, pointing out the window towards the clearing sky. It was late afternoon already. Michael voiced his agreement.

“Luke?” Ashton asked, sitting up and moving closer. “You down?”   
  


Luke looked into Ashton’s hazel eyes, still struck every time by his angelic features. “Yeah.” A smile curved his lips, and when he got the urge to hug the other boy, he didn’t hold back. Luke fit easily into Ashton’s arms, face in Ashton’s neck. Sunlight, he thought. Ashton’s skin smelled like sunlight, and there was sunlight creeping in from the cracked-open window beside the fridge, and slipping through the gaps in the blinds behind the TV. Sunlight, Perth, and Ashton, he recalled distantly.

“I love you,” Luke whispered into Ashton’s ear, deadly quiet, not knowing if he’d hear. Ashton’s arms tensed; he pressed his lips to the side of Luke’s head, and Luke froze for a moment or two in dread. 

Then Ashton whispered, even quieter. “I love you too.”

Luke’s chest went supernova, but subdued. He didn’t feel like he was exploding, exactly - it was more of a rush of fire through his veins, and he’d never felt more alive, more  _ here _ , more  _ now _ . 

_ Ashton, Ashton, Ashton. I love you. _

* * *

Walking down to the beach in his swim shorts and tank top, Luke talked and laughed with his friends. He was glad the bruises had pretty much completely vanished from his body. 

The carefree part of him ran down towards the ocean with reckless delight; the other part mourned. He mourned his past, and his family, and everything he could have become in Brisbane. The concept didn’t sadden him as much as he figured it should - maybe he was kind of losing it, after all, he thought, somewhat cynically.

_ Luke Hemmings, Brisbane, 1996-2013. _ With 2014 just around the corner, he felt a new lifetime ahead of him; one spent in Perth with Michael, Calum, and Ashton. 

_ Redcliffe Hospital _ remained a contact on his phone. He was still waiting for a call that might never come. 

But that didn’t matter right now. His name was Luke and he was on a beach in Perth, holding hands with the boy he loved, and everything was going to be okay.


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue. This is the last part of Destination: Perth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To reiterate, once again:  
> This work has no relation, significance, or connections whatsoever to the real world. This is purely a work of fiction and creative inspiration based around the personalities of real people. Characters in this work of fiction can be thought of as completely removed and independent of the people their names represent.
> 
> [I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this or not, because I feel like the ending was perfect in the last chapter - but I ended up writing this anyways, so I thought why not]
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

EPILOGUE

North Beach, Perth, early fall. One month since the car crash.

“Hurry up!”

Michael was waving his hands impatiently from halfway out of the breakroom, his foot holding open the heavy door. “How long does it take to clock out?”

Luke shook his head and typed in his employee number swiftly, hiding a smile. “I’ll be here for the next ten hours. Come find me tomorrow morning.”

Michael snorted, and Luke could almost feel him rolling his eyes. Affectionately, Michael said, “Shut up, Luke.”

Luke laughed. He finished with the computer, shut it down, and picked up his coat, dusting some chalk off. He didn’t know where the chalk had come from, since none of it was in sight, but he eyed the blackboard hanging innocently on the far wall in equal measure. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming. Let’s go.”

Early autumn had brought rainfall, rainfall, thunder and rainfall, clouds, and a tiny bit of heat reminiscent of summer paired with a feeble sun. The forecast for most days had been bleak, at least in the past few days, and Luke was already wishing for the warm sunlight to return. Not as if Perth was extremely cold - the grey days were just.... Gloomy. 

The weather also served as a reminder time was passing. Weeks had gone by since Luke had arrived in Perth - some of the best weeks of his life, he felt safe in saying. The memories of Brisbane were fading, though; it was a defeat as well as a victory. 

Luke found the memories that stayed were, of course, the bad ones. While he couldn’t remember the full address of his family’s house, or the cost of soft drinks in the vending machines at his school, he sometimes woke up shaking from nightmares where the dashboard of his parent’s car was burned into his eyelids. The light-up indicators and the dial speedometer, and the airbags expanding with a brutal crack that rang through Luke’s ears, and the painful twisting of his arm against the car door. Sometimes, Luke woke up and heard the beeping of heart rate monitors in the hospital in his ears like another heartbeat, parallel to his own.

If only he could pick and choose, Luke thought. He’d keep the sound of his brother’s laugh. He’d keep the memory of his mother sitting beside his bed when he was ten and couldn’t fall asleep, the nights when she’d chase away the monsters in his closet with her presence. He’d keep his father’s bear hugs in the backyard, the way he picked Luke up off the ground when he was young enough to be lifted and spun him in a circle.

Luke stared out the windshield, unfocused, until all the neon signs and traffic lights were drawn in thick, blurred lines, and listened to the steady drumbeat of Michael’s rock song playing over the car’s aux connector. He couldn’t wait to get home. The time on the dashboard read  _ 10:12 _ .

Thursday was almost over, which meant it had almost been two weeks since Luke started working at Kosmic Sound. It was also almost four weeks since Luke had gotten off the train. It seemed far in the past, but at the same time like it had been yesterday. Meeting Ashton felt the same way.

“Finally,” Luke groaned as Michael drove up to the curb and did an awful job at parallel parking. Good thing there was only a car behind them, and none in front, Luke thought. 

“I hope you get your license soon,” Michael responded and got out of the car. He was always this grumpy after a ten hour shift - Luke knew as soon as Michael got food, he’d become agreeable complacent. Especially if food was paired with _Final Fantasy_ _XII_. 

It wasn’t raining out anymore, and Luke found the calm darkness of the night peaceful. Maybe it was because the only sounds he could hear were the clack and rustle of shoes on pavement and grass alongside the wind in his hair. 

“We’re home!” Luke called from the door once he unlocked it. He took care to put his keys in the bowl by the door - all four of the keys to the flat were now in use, and he didn’t want to risk losing them. He and Michael slid their shoes off and Luke dumped his coat on a nearby chair. Michael kept his leather jacket on and made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Ash?” Luke said. The lights were dimmed in the living room, and Calum waved at him from on the couch before Michael sat down beside him and drew Calum’s attention.

Soft footsteps came from the hallway. “Luke! Hey.”

At Ashton’s voice, Luke felt a smile jump straight to his lips. He turned around, and Ashton was right there, all grey t-shirt and black jeans and bare feet, and his hair was messier than usual which made Luke think he’d been taking a nap, but it was hard to tell because Ashton was growing his hair out anyways and Luke would always find some way to mess it up if Ashton didn’t do it himself.

“Hey,” Luke mirrored, affection colouring his voice. He felt like every time he saw Ashton he fell further in love. He stepped forward and wrapped Ashton in a tight embrace, recommitting the feel of his body to memory; the way Ashton’s arms went over his own, despite Luke just about passing Ashton in height; the way his head fit between Ashton’s shoulder and neck perfectly. He sighed and let his own shoulders relax.

“Missed you,” Luke mumbled.

Ashton pressed his lips just under Luke’s jaw. “I missed you too.”

“Do you wanna…” Luke tilted his head towards the hallway. Ashton understood him instantly, but shook his head with a little huff of amusement. 

“Not now, I just woke up.” As if to illustrate his point, Ashton yawned and leaned back a bit to meet Luke’s eyes. He had a sly smile on his face, however, which Luke took as a ‘maybe later’. At least, Luke hoped so.

Luke’s first night in Perth - first  _ half _ of his first night - was the last time he’d slept without Ashton in the flat. He and Ashton had convinced Michael to move into Calum’s room so they could share the slightly smaller room with only one bed. It was a more than fair tradeoff for all parties involved.

Ashton pressed a kiss to Luke’s mouth, chaste, and said, “Wanna watch a movie? I think Calum’s got one.”

Luke didn’t answer for a moment, distracted by Ashton’s heat and proximity, as he often was, but nodded. He slipped a hand into Ashton’s hair and pulled him in for a deeper kiss, not willing to put space between them just yet. When Ashton went straight for Luke’s lip ring and tongued around it, sucking it into his own mouth, Luke felt both comforted by the familiarity and turned on by the sensation. He’d never get bored of kissing Ashton.

“Can you two stop making out for a second and pick a movie with us?”

Calum had one arm over the back of the couch, his gesturing at them, accusing.

Luke shut his eyes and raised the middle finger on his free hand towards Calum. Ashton saw it, then laughed against his lips before swatting it away and winding their fingers together instead. “Yeah, one second, Cal.”

In a lower voice, to Luke, Ashton asked, “Want some stir fry? I made some when I got home a few hours ago, and there’s leftovers.”

Luke felt his lips curve in a smile. “Yeah, that would be awesome. How was your day, anyways?” Ashton had been at work too, but at a video store farther downtown.

They moved their conversation into the kitchen. Ashton groaned in response to Luke’s question, picking cooked chicken and vegetables out of a container in the fridge. “Boring. I was in the back all day, sorting through documentaries. Did you know we have twenty-nine Antarctica documentaries?”

Luke shrugged and took the food from Ashton, putting it in the microwave. “I like penguins.”

Ashton let out a surprised laugh. He came up behind Luke and rested his chin on Luke’s shoulder, both of them watching the microwave timer tick down. “Well, that’s fair. I like koalas. There were only - well, there had to have been at least ten Australian wildlife documentaries.”

“The penguins are winning,” Luke mused. He leaned back into Ashton. 

Ashton’s smile was evident in his voice. “I guess they are.”

A few minutes later, Luke sat down on the couch with his dinner, Ashton leaning heavily on his side, and watched  _ Trainspotting _ .

* * *

In the morning, Luke woke up and Ashton was in the shower. His side of the bed was still warm, though, so Luke rolled over and buried his face in the pillow, holding onto the faltering edges of sleep. He felt a deep sense of calm paired with relief; he hadn’t dreamed last night. Or, at least, if he had, he didn’t remember. 

Checking his phone, Luke saw the time was just past nine - on a Friday, this meant nothing, because none of the boys had anywhere to go. On Saturday, Luke and Ashton had to work, and Calum had a football game then a practice. Calum had actually made it into the big leagues; Luke didn’t know the team specifically, but it was an incredible achievement and it meant half Calum’s time nowadays was spent playing football. On Sunday, Calum and Michael worked. This meant Sundays were also Luke’s favourite day of the week, because him and Ashton had the flat to themselves.

From the bed, Luke’s eyes caught on the black stratocaster in the corner - he’d rented the guitar a week or so ago, from Kosmic, because he didn’t want to keep asking Michael to play his. It was scratched up from previous owners, and the tone knob had been torn off and replaced by a bottlecap, but it stayed in tune and it had a melodic sound that contrasted nicely with Michael’s Les Paul. The fact there were two guitars in the house, and that Ashton had re-set up his drum kit, and that Calum had caved under Michael’s insistence and finally rented a bass, meant that they could play music together. And they did - they covered Blink-182, All Time Low, Nirvana, Wheatus, and We The Kings. Luke loved it; Michael had even come up with a name for their makeshift band.  _ 5 Seconds of Summer. _

“I’m making pancakes!” Calum’s voice rang down the hallway from the kitchen. Luke heard Michael’s footsteps in the hallway a minute later, and Ashton’s shower shut off at around the same time, which meant it was time for Luke to get up too. Rubbing sleep out of his eyes, Luke yawned and kicked his feet free from the twisted blanket.

He was barely standing when Ashton, shirtless, appeared in the doorway, a towel around his waist, hair dripping wet. Luke sat back down on the bed and stared, a bit dazed.

Ashton gave a blinding grin and shook his head like a dog, spraying water everywhere. “What?”

Luke shrugged. “Nothing.” At Ashton’s raised eyebrows, he shrugged again, and Ashton rolled his eyes before turning around and getting dressed. Luke watched. Ashton was attractive in a way that made Luke feel like his skin was melting off, but in a good way. If that was possible.

“Calum got some spray paint yesterday. We’re gonna fancy up the car.”

Luke’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait, really?” Ever since Ashton had made that comment to Michael about spray painting the old honda with pink stripes, Luke and Calum had urged him to do it, but to no avail. Until today.

Ashton held his hand out and lifted Luke from the bed, pulling him to stand close. A light blush dusted his cheeks - probably from Luke’s ogling. Ashton gave him a quick kiss on the lips, and when Luke leaned into it, pushed him back with his hands on Luke’s chest. “Not until you brush your teeth.” 

Luke gave a pouty frown and Ashton pecked him lightly one more time before disentangling himself. “Pancakes,” Ashton said, grinning, before vanishing down the hallway. 

Luke followed shortly after, wearing one of Ashton’s shirts - they had steadily been getting smaller on him at a rate Luke almost found alarming, but Ashton seemed charmed at Luke’s late growth spurt, so Luke didn’t mind that much.

Breakfast was excellent, as it always was when Calum was cooking with the frying pan, and the boys discussed their plans for the day with two cans of spray paint on the table. They were neon pink and bright blue. Luke approved.

“I’m gonna spray paint a dick on the roof,” Calum was saying. Michael kicked him under the table.

“We’re not making my car look bad, you degenerate. You can only draw a dick on it if it looks  _ good _ , and I don’t trust you to do that.”

“Yeah, only if you’re an official dick artist,” Ashton added. “You need credentials and all that. Mike only wants the best dicks on his car.”

Michael rolled his eyes, and Luke spoke up. “You should do stripes on the front. You know, like a racecar.”

“Thank you.” Michael pointed at Luke in appreciation. “An actual suggestion.”

“Draw an exploding star on the back windshield,” Calum said, going back to the frying pan. He flipped a pancake, his brow pinched and his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in concentration, and landed it perfectly. “Draw an X over the driver’s side window. Colour in the rearview. Scratch that, colour in the side mirrors, they’d look like eyes.” 

“Nothing dangerous, either,” Ashton noted, with a touch of severity. 

“I’m putting an X on the bumper,” Michael announced.

* * *

A half hour of planning later, Luke and Ashton were outside while Michael and Calum cleaned up breakfast - it was their turn this week. The sky was half overcast, half clear, and the midmorning sun cast weak shadows on the pavement at the top of the basement stairs, which was where Luke and Ashton had sat down.

In the still, calm morning, Luke was at peace. Next to Ashton, sitting close so Luke’s entire left side was touching Ashton’s right, Luke was at peace. Birds twittered in the bushes and trees by the side of the road. 

Every now and then, Luke could hear the crash of waves on the beach. A breeze danced in Luke’s hair and the faint sunlight creeping between the clouds fell on his lap like a sleeping dog. 

“Are you okay?” Ashton asked.

Luke shifted closer to Ashton, putting an arm around his waist. Ashton did the same and they leaned into each other comfortably.

“Yeah,” Luke said, almost without thinking. He didn’t need to anymore. More often than not, in Perth, with Ashton, he was okay. 

Warmth and fondness crept familiarly through his body, and he turned his head to kiss Ashton on the mouth. He pulled back after a few seconds, watching Ashton’s deep hazel eyes.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked in turn. Ashton’s lazy smile and dimples and the way he was stroking gentle circles on Luke’s thigh with his thumb almost told him the answer, but he still wanted to hear it.

“Yeah,” Ashton said softly. He kissed Luke again. “I love you.”

Luke felt his heart surge. Ashton, Ashton, Ashton. Sitting on cold concrete steps under the late morning sky, waves crashing and birds chirping, Ashton’s body warm against Luke’s side. Everything was perfect.

Luke thought about the past month. He thought about meeting Ashton on the train, going to Adelaide with him, coming to Perth with him, kissing him on the beach that first night, sleeping in his bed - he thought about making out with Ashton in Michael’s old room until they were rutting against each other and gasping. He thought about the smiles, the touches - how every time Ashton was in the room he drew Luke’s attention like a magnet.

And then Luke thought about death. It had been something coming to mind a lot recently as he came to grips with his family’s fate. It was not something Luke liked to think about.

Endings, Luke thought. There was so much in life; so much to do, so much to think, so much to feel. The fact that it could all end at any time terrified Luke.

He hadn’t gotten a phone call from Redcliffe Hospital. He didn’t know how his mom was. He didn’t know if they’d buried his dad and brother. His ties to Brisbane had been cut, and the hospital’s possibility of calling was his last connection to his life there - even that, he thought, might never come up again.

And Ashton. Luke’s fear of his own mortality had transferred smoothly over to Ashton; Luke was afraid of losing him even more than he was afraid of dying. He loved Ashton - but he supposed that would end as well.  _ Not until the day I die, _ Luke added fiercely.

How long was love supposed to last? How long was the shelf life of a teenage crush turned love, turned hope, turned everything Luke had ever wanted?

Everyone dies, Luke thought. Everything ends sometime.

_ I hope this lasts forever _ .

“I love you too,” Luke said, with a touch of intensity. He wrapped his arms around Ashton and tucked his face against Ashton’s neck, breathing him in, the sunlight, shampoo, laundry detergent, everything Luke found familiar. Ashton hugged him back with surety that matched Luke’s own.

_ We’re both going to die, Ashton. _

When Michael and Calum came outside, Luke pulled back a bit, took Ashton’s hand, and stood up with a smile on his face. 

_ Until then,  _ Luke promised,  _ I’ll be right here with you. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
